Show me the bastards: by phrase
by theme
by contributor
all 136 phrases at once
Phrase
the ladies in the kitchen
Meaning: a band of volounteers who must never ever be forgotten Themes: praise,arse-covering Contributor: Anon
Usage
MC: And, finally, everyone have a safe trip home and thanks for playing.
A lady in the kitchen: What about the ladies in the kitchen.
MC: Of course, how could I forget, and thanks to the ladies in the kitchen for a really scrumptious lunch.
Bloke with dirty hands: What about the blokes who rolled the green? What about the blokes who raked the ditches. What about.....
a bit narra
Meaning: how to play a particular bowl; a simple instruction, usually not well followed Themes: frustration,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Second: I can't get around the front one. Or under it. Skip: Well play it a bit narra to here. Second: Oops Skip: Fuck me. a bit narra's what I said. a bit narra not outa-fucking-bounds narra.
a funny old game
Meaning: a statement of fact about bowls Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: I've sprayed it a bit. Still a chance though. Double wick!
Skip B: Now I've fuckingwell seen everyfuckingthing. 5 fucking up to 3 fucking down. Fuck me. I'm wasting my fucking time playing this fucking shit of a game. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Skip A: Yes you're absolutely 100% correct. It sure is a funny old game sometimes.
a real shit sandwich
Meaning: a generous portion of faeces spread liberally on 2 pieces of bread. The bread may optionally be buttered. Note: this is a methaphor and is not meant literally. The metaphorical meaning is that of something particularly unpalatable which is what a sandwich with a faeces filling would be, unless you're a dog. Themes: realism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Selector: We've moved Whisper to help out Frog's rink.
Skip A: Right.
Selector: And Showbag's out, he's crook.
Skip: That's no good.
Selector: You've still got Sniffy playing third.
Skip: As he should be.
Selector: We've given ya Legless and Hoppy. Your whole rink's been moved to the ones and you're playing the top side on their 20 second green.
Skip: Well that's a real shit sandwich.
Selector: And it'll be windy.
a shit head
Meaning: either a reference to poorly grouped bowls or the cranial features of the opposition skip. Sometimes employed ambiguously. Themes: candour,judgement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a shit head Skip: And the bowls aren't any better.
all day
Meaning: a recognition that said player has played exceptionally well Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:all day Snags
Opposition Skip: That prick's played well.
Skip: Yep we'd be stuffed without Snags.
(Note: not to be confused with all fucking day!)
all fucking day!
Meaning: although the referenced player (and team) has played much better than us, his second slightly luckyish shot for the day has killed any hope of us winning Themes: exasperation Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their Third: Got a nice edge off that wide bowl. Good one Skip.
Our Skip: Fuck me! Another fucking one! all fucking day! (Note: not to be confused with all day.)
all good
Meaning: you played a bowl on the correct bias. Themes: candour,compassion,bemusement Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: How was my last one? Skip:all good.
all of 'em
Meaning: the number we are down prior to our skip playing his last bowl. Themes: candour,despair Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: How many down are we? Third:all of 'em.
am I up?
Meaning: a rhetorical question to which the answer, should a superfluous one be given, is always no Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third: We're 4 down now. You gotta be up. Skip:am I up?am I up? Third: No.
anyone got it?
Meaning: a combination of colour and number (obsolete) Themes: patience Contributor: Cliff
Usage
MC: Here we go again. Red is still the colour. 6 is the new number. anyone got it? No? Another go then.
Raffle Participant: Do the bloody number first.
MC: Not necessary my friend. This way works exactly the same. Red's the colour. 19 is the new number. anyone got it?
around-the-clocker
Meaning: a bowler who, by preference or deficiency of technique, bowls on the same hand, end after end, day after day, week after week, year after year, until death with his bowls doth part Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: What's that dickhead doing? There's a shitload of room on the forehand/backhand.
Player B: That's Player C for ya, a real around-the-clocker. I seen him play backhand/forehand once for a bet. Shithouse bowl but he won the bet. He'll never do much good but he's happy being an around-the-clocker.
awesome track
Meaning: a bowl delivered with perfect grass, almost on the line, albeit a few metres short Themes: exasparation Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: 4 down, we need a good one Third: How's that? Skip:awesome track pal. Another 6 on your next Third: And this one? Skip:awesome track again pal [sotto voce] well that fucks up the drive
back end
Meaning: the third and skip in a team Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Lead: Look at the back end they've got. Second: Yep. We're fucked.
be a good bowler one day
Meaning: becoming good at bowls doesn't happen overnight, or necessarily ever Themes: patience,optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: That lead of yours been bowling for long? Skip B: Started a few seasons ago. be a good bowler one day. Skip A: Not just yet though. Skip B: Shit no. Get a decent bowl out of him every half hour if I'm lucky. But he'll get there. Takes time. He'll be a good bowler one day.
be the bowl
Meaning: something to do with fish Themes: unknowable Contributor: awarenessintegrations.com/be-the-bowl/
Usage
Skip: You have fish in the bowl. You have water. Then you have the bowl surrounding it all. be the bowl. Picture this in your head, but do so with awareness or the ego is going to take over. We identify with nothing in our lives but the fish. The fish are the thoughts in our brain, going in circles, and running all around us. If we step back and observe this, we become the water. If we understand there is such a thing as having fish, having water, and observing that with no reaction - we become the bowl. We are the bowl, we have always been the bowl, but we think we are the content of that bowl. be the bowl. Second: Gotcha. Another draw on the backhand then.
be the club
Meaning: I like your line, not sure about your weight. A golfing analogy. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:be the club. be the club. be the club. Nuh. Wrong club.
big board!
Meaning: our rink is trailing badly, indeed, as is the rink of Ernest; however, as pennant bowls is fundamentally a team game, the relative success of both Charles and Francis means we are not entirely bereft of hope in achieving a remarkable victory.  Ernest and I should therefore resolve to abandon forthwith our usual game plans of playing unlikely hero shots at every opportunity and instead concentrate on limiting our already substantial losses. We must all remember that the most important thing to consider is the total across all rinks. In doing so we aspire to beat these fuckers. Themes: optimism,mateship,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A:big board! Player B:big board! Player C: Come on we're in this. big board!
big bowl
Meaning: an important delivery, a possible match-changer Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: If I get rid of that one we'll have 4. Third: That'd be a big bowl. You wouldn't wanna get ours though. Skip: Yeah, a real big bowl. Pretty much guarantee a win on the big board! Opposition third: That was a big bowl for us. Has your skip always been a dickhead?
bomb!
Meaning: a successful bowl which resulted in us obtaining shot, possibly more than 1 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip:bomb!
bowl to my foot
Meaning: I want you to play a yard on through the head, however I doubt your ability to play such a shot without considerable assistance. Themes: condescension Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: We need to change things a bit. bowl to my foot.
bowls not balls
Meaning: how one should respond to another who called bowls balls Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Non-bowling spouse: Would you like a new set of balls for Christmas?
Bowling spouse:bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Well they look like balls.
Bowling spouse: Bowls are biased, balls aren't. I don't play balls, I play bowls. They're bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Do want a new set? Yes or no?
Bowling spouse: No, I'm happy with the ones I've got.
bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
Meaning: I want a short end with the mat right up but you're too stupid to understand that so I'll have to spell it out. Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: Where do you want it? Skip:bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
brother
Meaning: anyone playing bowls with Tommy Themes: mateship Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: This is good brother Lead: A pearlerbrother Tommy: Yo' brother Third:bomb!brother Tommy: Yeah nah brother I knew it was good.
can you use an arm in bocce?
Meaning: a reasonable enquiry Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: That bloke been using an arm long?
Our skip: About a year or so.
Their skip: Hasn't quite worked out the release yet.
Our skip: Nah not yet. He's a lobber. Seems to lob every second one. can you use an arm in bocce?
catchers over here
Meaning: our bowls on this end are nowhere near the jack. We require you as skip to move the jack nearer to our bowls using whatever means are available to you. Themes: optimism,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Anything on? Third: Got catchers over here.
clear air
Meaning: our bowl is about to run into an opposition bowl; the intention of saying "clear air" is to somehow distort the nature of the space-time continuum so the collision doesn't happen. "Clear road" is also sometimes used synonymously. Both may be abbreviated to just "clear". Themes: optimism,fantasy Contributor: Peter
Usage
Third:clear air Second:clear air Lead:clear air In unison: Shit!
corker
Meaning: a satisfactorily delivered bowl. In the hierarchy of such bowls it is third behind bomb! then pearler. The hierarchy may be temporarily changed by preceding the bowl description adjectivally with "bloody" or "fucking"; bloody elevates it by one position, fucking by two. Thus a bloody corker is superior to a pearler but not as good as a bomb!, whereas a fucking corker is better than both a bomb! and a pearler. Mixing adjectives in the one discourse is not recommended and likely to result in confusion. Outbursts such as "it's a bomb!, a bloody corker, a bloody fucking pearler" should be avoided unless you and others are drinking at the time. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Meaning: did not play a game of a sufficiently high standard required to make up for our deficiencies Themes: blame-shifting,arse-covering Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go today? Player B: I had a good game but we lost. Player A: That's a bugger. Player B: Yeah our skip didn't save us enough.
don't be low
Meaning: don't be narrow FFS Themes: futility Contributor: Team Rod
Meaning: doing so is considered rather poor form old chap, especially by those whose shit doesn't stink Themes: passivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Shit that was a lucky one.
Lead and second: Yoohoo, way to go skip, you're the best, stick it up 'em.
Opposition third:don't clap wicks.
Our third: Don't be a cockhead.
Meaning: what another player did until he didn't Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Geez you were stiff.
Player B: Yep. Holding game until the last bowl. Their fucking skip done nothing all day trails the fucking jack for a fucking 5.
Player A:done nothing all day until that last bowl.
Player B: Yep.
Meaning: despite my bowl being delivered with poor grass and weight, I can forsee it deflecting twice to ultimately reach the head at a favourable angle thereby moving the jack to give us a minimum of 3 shots Themes: foresight,optimism Contributor: Ernie
Usage
Skip not in possession mat: Good luck with this one. Skip in possession of mat after delivering bowl which has travelled roughly half way:double wick!.
down the hill
Meaning: a pitifully sad way of saying your bowl will pull up short Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Neil
Usage
Skip: Come on down the hill. That's it little bowl. Just a bit more. down the hill. Almost there. down the hill. No, it's run out of puff. Bad luck.
every bowl counts
Meaning: no bowl is more important than any other; regardless of its bias, creed or colour it has an intrinsic worth as a bowl, a potential counter Themes: optimism Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Player A: Getting close. Big board! We gotta take it one end at a time. Player B: I take your point Player A, however I feel the rapidly closing gap vis a vis the big board! mandates an increased focus at the micro level; in other words, we need to take it one bowl at a time.
Player A: A fair point well made, Player B, we do need to take it one bowl at a time. Might I also suggest now would be an opportune time to stress that every bowl counts?
Player B: Indeed it is such a time Player A. I must concur with your splendid proposition. Every corker counts, every bomb! counts, every pearler counts. every bowl counts.
excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet?
Meaning: Mabel is an elderly lady nearing the end of a long and distinguished career: 4 mixed pairs titles with her late husband Harold; twice runner-up in the ladies minor singles; and 6 most successful and harmonious years as lady vice-president of the ladies committee. Of late she has struggled making the distance, particularly on a slow green. She is also inclined to occasionally drop her bowl, her grip strength not being what it once was. Her first bowl on this end was not the finest of her career, nor day. Edward, the skip, who is of a similar vintage, has vision problems. Here, Edward, who has just returned to the rink after refilling his sports bottle, was enquiring as to the fate of Mabel's bowl. Themes: curiosity Contributor: MM
Usage
Edward: Slurp, slurp. That's better. excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet? Mabel: What was that Edward?
follarim down
Meaning: a good way to play when the player has no idea Themes: wisdom Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: No good playing that side again, that side's fucked. Tell you what, follarim down.
for the good of the club
Meaning: the reason most frequently given for being dropped to a lower side Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Selector: We've put you skipping in the fourths so these new blokes get some idea what to do. It's for the good of the club.
free spin
Meaning: the opposition skip has failed to execute a simple draw, it is now the turn of our skip Themes: blame-shifting,fatalism Contributor: Damo
Usage
Third: Righto, free spin. Just don't go too wide. Skip: Shit it's not coming back. Third: Well fuck me. Skip: That was your fault. You put me off when you said not to go too wide.
front end
Meaning: the lead and second in a fours team (or just the lead in a triples team) Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: No wonder we lost with the front end we had. Third: Yeah. No fucking wonder.
Meaning: we lost due to the referenced player's (or players') performance being sub-optimal Themes: dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Useless bloody front end. gave us nothing all day. Third: Yep. Fuckin' nothing.
get outa the road
Meaning: I would like the something or somebody in my way to not be in my way. The something is generally a bowl, the somebody a person. Themes: exasparation Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Second: Oi you, get outa the road. I can't see the bloody pegs.
Second (a little later): Oi you again, get outa the road. I'm trying to do the bloody big board.
Second (even later):get outa the road. Bloody short shit.
getcha bowls up
Meaning: I am a good average player, I am not a magician. Continuing to litter the green with short shit means that, firstly, I find it difficult to negotiate a path to the jack and, secondly, my very infrequent perfect trail shot will only result in, at best, 1 to us, not the multiples we require FOR ANY FUCKING CHANCE OF WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME. No I am not angry, just a little disappointed. Themes: disappointment,optimism,hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Right, enough's enough. getcha bowls up.
(An interesting aside is that the name Bowlsup originated from this phrase.)
give it a chance
Meaning: an imploration to at least reach the head Themes: encouragement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Righto. In there. give it a chance.
Player A: (grunting noise due to slow green) Can't chuck it any harder than that.
Skip: In the ditch. Bad luck. Al least you give it a chance.
good changeup
Meaning: your first bowl was on your forehand/backhand, it was ok. Your second bowl was on your backhand/forehand, a change requiring body and bowl relocation of the highest order - it too was OK. Congratulations on your mastery of this feat. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Backhand this time. Well done. good changeup.
good correction
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: wit Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Nice one. good correction.
good try
Meaning: a poor attempt Themes: positivity Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Match that one. [sotto voce] Nowhere near it again. [normal voice] good try
got the back wood
Meaning: we have a single bowl at the back, they have several Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Any ideas? Third: Nuh. Hang on a minute. got the back wood
got the job done
Meaning: a satisfactory result, perfunctorily achieved Themes: pride Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You made the finals then?
Player B: Had to beat the bottom side on their shitheap. Blowin' a gale, no moran 10 seconds, 5 each way, up by 7. We got the job done.
handy there
Meaning: not where I wanted it but at least it's not in the ditch Themes: condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Hmmmmm. handy there
hang about
Meaning: too heavy again Themes: resignation,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:hang about, hang about. Nuh. A good yard.
happy days
Meaning: you have unexpectedly delivered a bowl that came to rest within the boundaries of the rink Themes: unnecessaryness Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Well, well, whaddya know. happy days are here again.
have the poundage
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too small Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the poundage.
have the revolutions
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too big Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the revolutions.
he was a real good bowler in his day
Meaning: time catches up with everyone, not necessarily at the same rate Themes: compassion Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Had a good battle with old Clarrie. Player B:he was a real good bowler in his day. Player A: I thought I matched him. Player B: Pig's arse you did. Player A: What is he now? Close to 80? Player B: Not all that close. 94. Player A: He still goes alright then. Player B: Yeah he was a real good bowler in his day.
hindsight is a wonderful thing
Meaning: a truism Themes: regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Looking back, if I knew the fucking jack was gonna come forward I never woulda hit the bastard. Third: Yep. hindsight is a wonderful thing. Skip: The one fucking end we didn't have a shitload of front bowls.
hit the bit you can see
Meaning: a request of a reluctant player that he attempt a drive beyond his ability Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: GdB
Usage
Skip: Hit that one. Third: I can only see a bit of it Skip: Well hit the bit you can see then.
holding game until the last bowl
Meaning: a winning position thwarted Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go in that one? Player B: Good start. Up for most of it. holding game until the last bowl then wick fuckitty wick. Lost by 1.
I beat my bloke
Meaning: the contributions from each player today was unequal Themes: candour,blame-shifting Contributor: Neil
Usage
Player A: Any good? Player B: Na. Lost. Got 2 points. I beat my bloke.
I frisbeed it
Meaning: how I chucked a mat really far Themes: honesty Contributor: Alby
Usage
Umpire: Last warning for mat chucking.
Player A: I never chucked it, I frisbeed it.
I musta mista end
Meaning: the result of a score check Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: 20/15, 3 to go?
Opposition second: I've got 18 all last end.
Lead, opposition lead, third, opposition third: They said last end was up and back.
Second:I musta mista end
I shoulda warned ya
Meaning: a statement of regret Themes: despair,regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Who'd've thought an old prick like that could drive? Third: I seen him before. I shoulda warned ya.
I've had a gutful
Meaning: I am a patient person but my limit has been reached; I can take no more Themes: exasparation,despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Coach: This mob we just lost to. Average age 85. Notice anything? No? They all had a lifter. Prepa-blooody-rations. No bending down for these old bastards. I've had a gutful. Ranga, where were you Thursdee training?
Ranga: Hospital. She dropped another one.
Coach: Dribbledick?
Dribbledick: Daisy. Breech birth. Almost lost me non-dominant arm.
Coach: Spanner?
Spanner: Me best bitch was whelping. Got 4 good littlies.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth?
Wobbly: Tractor shit itself.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth or tractors?
Professor: I find the shambolic nature of our training sessions to be ineffective pedagogically insofar as it is not conducive to .........
Coach: That's the guts of the problem right there Professor. Indi-bloody-vidualism. Every bastard doing what they wanna do. Well I've had a gutful. An absolute bloody gutful. New rule. Don't turn up Thursdee, ya don't play Satdee. Simple as that 'cos I've had a gutful.
I've seen his type before
Meaning: reference to a person of undesirable character Themes: criticism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you find the other skip?
Player B: Didn't like him. I've seen his type before. He's a number 4.
ignore that bowl
Meaning: run into that bowl Themes: optimism,futility Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: The red bowl's in me way Skip (points at red bowl): Play the same hand, ignore that bowl. That bowl isn't there.
in the mix
Meaning: not your worst bowl of the day Themes: condescension,praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: That's OK. You're in the mix.
in the money
Meaning: somebody won some prize money Themes: pride Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: Careful. Don't rip it. Player A: Don't be a dick. It cost us 30 to play and we got 15 back. Tommy: Doesn't matter. We're in the money and that envelope's going straight to the pool room.
it all turned to shit
Meaning: the last few words of most stories involving bowls Themes: disappointment Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Went alright? Player B: Good to the break. Dunno what happened but it all turned to shit after that.
it's a team game
Meaning: the nature of any game of bowls other than singles Themes: teamwork,mateship Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: First time today I've had 2 good ones and you had to fuck them off.
Third: The skip told me to. They were vulnerable. it's a team game.
jack in the pond
Meaning: despite your many previous failed attempts at hitting the jack, we once again beseech thee to play a difficult shot with requisite skill. We are not hopeful. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip: It's in the open now. jack in the pond
join in whenever you're ready
Meaning: you have consistently failed in your attempts to draw within 2 metres. Furthermore, you appear uninterested in proceedings. Please improve in both facets. Themes: disappointment Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Oi Magoo, get off your fat arse and join in whenever you're ready.
just don't fuck it up
Meaning: a plaintive request that a risky shot be played competently Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: I can see 1 of 'em. I reckon they'll both go. Skip: Sure? Third: Like shellin' peas. Skip: We've only got 1 in the head. just don't fuck it up. Third: Got 1. Darn, that was unlucky. Skip: You fucked it up.
just give me something
Meaning: a plaintive request for an improved performance Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: What should I try this time me old skipperoo? Skip: I don't care. just give me something I can work with. Any fucking thing will do. just give me something.
just out
Meaning: you haven't got shot Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Good bowl, just out.
keep chugging
Meaning: to chug is to deliver a bowl that will agonisingly fall just short of the desired length. The exhortation to keep chugging is to suggest, with a hint of resignation, that your latest bowl will again pull up just short. Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip to third: Come on, come on, keep chugging. Bugger.
keep that grass
Meaning: good line, bad weight Themes: despair Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third:keep that grass [sotto voce] cockbrain.
little rings on the inside
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: condescension,wit Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Bloodywell concentrate. little rings on the inside.
luck's a fortune
Meaning: an old saying but true Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: Shit. Given it away.
Our skip: What was bad luck for you, is good luck for me. The old saying about luck's a fortune could not be truer as is the one about swings and roundabouts.
Their skip: Except that it's all fucking swings and no fucking roundabouts.
mine's a toucher
Meaning: it is beyond dispute that my bowl hit the jack Themes: certainty,justice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Mark my bowl. mine's a toucher. Player B: It can't be a toucher. There was another bowl in front of the jack. It couldn't've hit it. Player A: Not directly no. I got a wick and came off that bastard! over there. I'm tellin' ya. Sure as fuckin' eggs mine's a toucher.
miss on the high side
Meaning: FFS don't be narrow Themes: hope,futility Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Low's no good. miss on the high side.
not coming back from there
Meaning: whether or not a bowl delivered wide will make it back to inside the boundary peg. No it won't. Themes: certainty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Geez that's a bit wide. Shit, the wind's got it.
Skip: The bastard's not coming back from there.
nothing for narrow
Meaning: please do not bowl narrow again as your previous narrow bowls blocked my path to the jack. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Keep it wide if anything. nothing for narrow.
nothing's changed
Meaning: the status quo remains Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Well?
Third:nothing's changed. Still got 1. [sotto voce] Their skip's just as useless as ours.
off that bastard!
Meaning: this bowl is slightly ill-directed although, with a bit of luck, it might get a useful deflection Themes: hope,glory Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player: Come on. Come on. off that bastard! Yes!
one bowl at a time
Meaning: how one should play the game; a rare example of genuine wisdom Themes: palpability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Righto fellas, 3 ends to go. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We've gotta play 'em one bowl at a time.
one end at a time
Meaning: we have the lead, there are 5 ends to go. After this end there will be 4 ends to go, then 3 ends to go and so on down to 0. When we get to 0 the game is over. Themes: palpability,wisdom Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip:one end at a time Third: Yeah. one end at a time. Second: Fuck yeah. one end at a time. Lead: Too fucking right. one end at a time.
pearler
Meaning: a good bowl, not quite as good as a bomb! but superior to a corker Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Another pearler. Might be.
rake the fucking head
Meaning: an effective way of playing bowls Themes: inevitability,outrage,skill Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Player A: Didja win? Player B: No but we played good. Player A: How'dja lose then? Player B: All those other pricks could do was rake the fucking head all fucking day.
right from the start!
Meaning: let's not all drop multiples on the first end like we usually do Themes: optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Coach in huddle: OK. Let's roll. right from the start! Assembled players:right from the start!. A smartarse (former cub): We'll dob, dob, dob.
right to the end!
Meaning: forget about our first half; we're now a very slim chance of winning Themes: optimism Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Skip: OK boys. right to the end! We can win this.
run out of puff
Meaning: 1. what a bowl does when it finishes short 2. what a team does when it loses after having a big lead Themes: empathy Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You lost then? Player B: Too fat, too old, too many ends. We run out of puff.
same bowl
Meaning: please try to replicate your previous satisfactory delivery Themes: hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same bowl.
same fucking bowl
Meaning: your last bowl was shit, this bowl is also shit Themes: despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same fucking bowl.
sensational
Meaning: we've got shot, we're perhaps holding 2 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: What a bowler. sensational.
shit, the wind's got it
Meaning: I've made quite a significant error with the line I've taken and need an excuse. Pray tell, is there any wind about? Themes: poise Contributor: JB
Usage
Player: That's not a wrong bias it? Oh no, shit, the wind's got it.
short bowls are killing us
Meaning: I am insufficently skilled to play through gaps a metre wide Themes: despair,dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Magoo, Uncle Fester, Big Fella, listen up. short bowls are killing us. You got it? short bowls are killing us
short shit
Meaning: bowl/s that lacked requisite oomph when delivered Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Fuck me, short shit everyfuckingwhere.
sit and cover
Meaning: we've got shot, they've got a shitload just behind. The ideal bowl is to sit on their bunch while still being in the count. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Get to these ones. A bit wide is OK. sit and cover. Just don't play their bowl for them. Third: Stay up. Stay up. Don't turn yet you bastard. Skip: Well done. 5 down. There was only 1 way to fuck it up and you found it.
tackle him Magoo
Meaning: Magoo is an opposition player who delivered an earlier short bowl to an awkward position. One of our bowls is on track for a good result but will probably run into Magoo's bowl. This phrase is employed to ensure that this does indeed occur. An aside: anthropomorhism is common in the game of bowls. Players frequently refer to a physical bowl, an inanimate object, as though it is the person who delivered it. Statements such as "get going Shitface" and "in there Shitface" (Shitface being the moniker of a team mate) while being nonsensical to the non-bowler are readily understood by devotees of the game as endearing entreaties offered as encouragement for a successful outcome of Shitface's most recent bowl. Themes: inevitability Contributor: Salty
Usage
Our player: Go on, get around it. Get afuckinground it. Their player:tackle him Magoo Our player: Fuck it.
that is shot
Meaning: a player is rather pleased with his last bowl Themes: egotism,delusion Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A thinks to himself: It's a beauty. Miss that bastard. Through that gap. I've fuckingwell nailed it. Player A points ring finger of right hand skywards: Player A speaks:that is shot. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is shot. Opponent of player A (umpire for the day): Foot fault!
that side's fucked
Meaning: my inability to get a single bowl close on that side has led me to conclude the surface is sub-standard. My opponent's apparent lack of such difficulty is a statistical outlier and may be ignored. Themes: despair,poise Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Fuck it. that side's fucked
that's a N shot turnaround
Meaning: the change in the progressive end score after a player has delivered a bowl compared to what it was before delivering the bowl. Generally you want the number N to be zero at worst but hopefully positive, and definitely not negative. Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a stupid idea. Just be happy with 1.
Skip: Such conservative thinking shows why you'll never make a skip. Stupid idea my arse. This just needs a gentle yard on for an easy 3.
Third: Righto, you're the boss.
Skip: Bugger it. Not quite gentle enough.
Third: Well done! that's a N shot turnaround (N being 5) but not in a good way.
that's me blocker
Meaning: a short bowl I've just played Themes: optimism,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: That's a shit bowl Donny. Donny: No it's not. that's me blocker
that's me done
Meaning: my understanding of my job as lead is to put one on and one behind, consistently so for end after end, and then let you clowns take all the glory Themes: pragmaticism,satisfaction Contributor: JB
Usage
Lead: Last bowl, last end. that's me done. We win. See you next week.
the best here
Meaning: there was nothing to beat and you beat it Themes: praise,condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Chug. Chug. Chug a bit more. Yep. That's the best here
the dance floor
Meaning: the area of the green somewhere near the jack, also the part of a shearing shed where the sheep get shorn Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: So we need this one to win?
Third: Yep. You can do it. Plenty of room on the dance floor.
the green hasn't been rolled
Meaning: I put down a perfect bowl and it didn't turn Themes: outrage Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Look at that. Did you see that? the green hasn't been rolled. Player B: Magoo rolled it. Twice both ways. Player A: Magoo. That explains it.
the ladies in the kitchen
Meaning: a band of volounteers who must never ever be forgotten Themes: praise,arse-covering Contributor: Anon
Usage
MC: And, finally, everyone have a safe trip home and thanks for playing.
A lady in the kitchen: What about the ladies in the kitchen.
MC: Of course, how could I forget, and thanks to the ladies in the kitchen for a really scrumptious lunch.
Bloke with dirty hands: What about the blokes who rolled the green? What about the blokes who raked the ditches. What about.....
the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number
Meaning: No man is an island, entire of itself; ditto for bowling clubs. Themes: resignation Contributor: Neil
Usage
Newish bowler: We've hardly won a game. 4 of the 5 selectors have resigned. The only one who didn't is the only one who should've. The ladies in the kitchen are striking unless we buy new doilies. The president won't turn up until he gets the parking spot near the gate. The pisspots in the third side won't drink here any more 'cos we put the prices up 50c. Mate, this club's fucked. I'm finding another one.
Oldish bowler: LOL. Sonny, I've been around the block a few times. the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number.
there's no-one else
Meaning: we players in the top side are bonded together, as one, united in our desire to remain so, as protected species, an untouchable breed above all others Themes: certainty,realism Contributor: Neil
Usage
Selector: Another fucking loss. Still on the fucking bottom. There'll be some allfuckingmighty changes this week.
Senior skip: Agreed. I suggest Fumbles and Catchup swap and Gumbo skips in place of Orca. Bit down on confidence old Orca.
Selector: Are you deaf and blind as well as fucking useless and stupid? You're on the fucking bottom for fuck sake. Another loss and this club's fucked. And you're fucked along with rest of your fucking useless mates in the top fucking side.
Senior skip: Ya not thinking of bringing someone up from the seconds, are ya? Mate don't be stupid, we're it. there's no-one else. I wish it was different but there's no-one else.
they stacked their side
Meaning: we lost badly Themes: injustice,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: Do any good? Donny B: Nope. they stacked their side. Player A: You're playing division 5. Why would they stack their side? Donny: Dunno. All I know is they stacked their side.
they're always on a good line
Meaning: a reference to the inital line of a bowled played with wrong bias Themes: resignation,inevitability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: That's come out all right Player B: It's wrong bias Player A: Shit, it was on a good line Player B:they're always on a good line
too good a line not be shot
Meaning: a perfectly played bowl desrves better Themes: amazement Contributor: Frank
Usage
Player A: Shot?
Skip: No.
Player A: Arseholes. That was too good a line not be shot.
too good a roll up
Meaning: a reason for losing Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Win?
Player B: Nuh?
Player A: How? I seen your roll up.
Player B: Exactly. Used 'em up early. too good a roll up.
top skip
Meaning: a skip to whom one has lost a game Themes: envy,irony Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: How'd ya go Satdee? Player B: Lost. They had a top skip. A really top skip. Player A: This top skip. Good was he? Player B: Real good. Should be playing division 1 somewhere.
two to you Big Fella
Meaning: Big Fella (who may or may not be large in stature or even a fella) has got shot via a bowl that may or may not have involved an element of luck. It's a measure for the second. Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Meaning: an enquiry as to whether bowling activities are to be suspended for a time during which light refreshments may be consumed and last year's speech by the president recycled; also an opportunity to temporarily stop getting a hiding Themes: optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Another fucking 4. we having a break?
we need one over there
Meaning: please draw me another shot as there is no chance whatsoever of them moving the jack for a 5. Themes: irony,adventure Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: That's a couple. Third: Whaddya want this time? Skip:we need one over there
we'd'a been better off playing one short
Meaning: a player in our rink performed poorly Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: That new bloke go OK? Player B: Tried hard but we'd'a been better off playing one short.
welcome back
Meaning: our best player will only ever play second. We rely on him to have any chance. Unusually for him, his bowls on the last end didn't finish in the count. No idea why he still plays with us. Themes: bitterness Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: About bloody time. welcome back.
what do I need?
Meaning: an enquiry as to the distance one's previous bowl was short of the scoring zone Themes: politeness Contributor: Paddles
Usage
(redacted): Was my last one short?
Skip: Yes (redacted) it was short again.
(redacted):what do I need?.
Skip: A few weeks in the seconds wouldn't hurt.
what rotten bad luck
Meaning: your execution of an easy shot was appalling. An example of sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Themes: irony,wit Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third: That's on track. Here it comes. Here it comes. Nah. Into the fucking wall again. what rotten bad luck
what's the story?
Meaning: a singles player enquires as to the state of the head, his smartarse mate is marking Themes: curiosity,anxiety Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A:what's the story? Marker: It was a dark and stormy....... Player A: Fuck off.
where's the jack gonna go?
Meaning: I have grave doubts regarding my ability to hit such a large target at the present juncture in such a pressured situation. I would prefer to play some sort of timid draw shot. Themes: apprehension,anxiety Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Hit 'em. Third:where's the jack gonna go? Skip: Hit 'em first then we'll worry about it.
whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?
Meaning: an unnecessary question Themes: curiosity Contributor: Tezza
Usage
Third: Alternatively, if you play a bit over on your backhand you might get the jack back to our catchers over here for 3.
Skip: Yes but I could try a swinger around the front one. Then again, covering those ones might be the go. Or a blocker.
Other skip: 30 fucking minute rule! It'll be fucking dark soon.
Skip: Language! [starts walking back to mat end]
Skip stops halfway for another look: Yes I think so. That's what I'll do.
Skip on mat with bowl in hand:whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?.
why did he change my hand?
Meaning: an enternal question second only to where did we come from? Themes: bemusement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip to other skip: Watch this for a laugh. Bobo's an around-the-clocker. Never plays forehand.
Skip: Bobo I want you to try one on your forehand. They're not turning on that side.
Bobo: I can see it this way.
Skip: Yeah I know but they're not turning out there and we really need a close one.
Bobo: Are you sure?
Skip: Yes Bobo. It's for the best.
Bobo: All right. Shit, side ditch. why did he change my hand?
why you no up?
Meaning: despite the closeness of the contest and previous entreaties to reach the head, a front end player has, unfortunately, delivered a bowl of insufficient initial velocity to be in the mix Themes: incomprehension Contributor: Gus
Usage
Skip:You gotta be up Chully. why you no up?.
Chully: Eh, vaffanculo.
wick
Meaning: noun - a slight deflection of a bowl in motion off another stationary bowl, usually unintended. Such a deflection can be both favourable and unfavourable (pick 1) depending upon the outcome and player's POVs.
verb - to slightly deflect off another bowl thereby altering the bowl's path. Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Cedric: A lovely wick sir.
Charles: (says nothing but acknowledges Cedric's comment with a slight nod in his direction)
Someone not named Charles or Cedric:all fucking day!
won't die wondering
Meaning: a real never-say-die sort of attitude Themes: indomitability Contributor: Neil
Usage
Their third: Fuck me, here he goes again.
Our third: By golly yes. Our skip has a real Biggles-like never-say-die sort of attitude. Plucky, determined, tenacious, spirited and daring just about sums him up. Not to mention valiant, adventurous, fearless, gritty and undaunted. He won't die wondering, that's for sure.
you can do it
Meaning: the probability of you executing a shot of moderate difficulty is low Themes: irony,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third to skip: You've got 4 metres to the ditch for second. you can do it Lead and second: No he can't.
you chase that shit?
Meaning: an expression of disdain Themes: shock,derision Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: Go, go, go. It's a goodie. Pant, pant, pant. Yes, yes, no. Opponent: Fuck me. you chase that shit?.
you count
Meaning: your bowl is clearly second although the chances of it remaining so are slim Themes: praise,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: A few metres. you count.
you gotta be up
Meaning: a golden rule for skips when down Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Meaning: it is imperative that you not bowl narrow agin Themes: frustration Contributor: Jock
Usage
Skip: A wee draw tae here. I dinnae ken bin wide. you must noo cross the line.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
you're jack high
Meaning: good weight, bad line Themes: criticism,praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third:you're jack high [sotto voce] but nowhere near it fuckwit.
you've got another one
Meaning: your first bowl was shit, there's an outside chance that your second one will be better Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Harry
Usage
Player: Sorry. Skip: Don't worry about it. you've got another one.
Theme
we need one over there
Meaning: please draw me another shot as there is no chance whatsoever of them moving the jack for a 5. Themes: irony,adventure Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: That's a couple. Third: Whaddya want this time? Skip:we need one over there
too good a line not be shot
Meaning: a perfectly played bowl desrves better Themes: amazement Contributor: Frank
Usage
Player A: Shot?
Skip: No.
Player A: Arseholes. That was too good a line not be shot.
what's the story?
Meaning: a singles player enquires as to the state of the head, his smartarse mate is marking Themes: curiosity,anxiety Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A:what's the story? Marker: It was a dark and stormy....... Player A: Fuck off.
where's the jack gonna go?
Meaning: I have grave doubts regarding my ability to hit such a large target at the present juncture in such a pressured situation. I would prefer to play some sort of timid draw shot. Themes: apprehension,anxiety Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Hit 'em. Third:where's the jack gonna go? Skip: Hit 'em first then we'll worry about it.
where's the jack gonna go?
Meaning: I have grave doubts regarding my ability to hit such a large target at the present juncture in such a pressured situation. I would prefer to play some sort of timid draw shot. Themes: apprehension,anxiety Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Hit 'em. Third:where's the jack gonna go? Skip: Hit 'em first then we'll worry about it.
didn't save us enough
Meaning: did not play a game of a sufficiently high standard required to make up for our deficiencies Themes: blame-shifting,arse-covering Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go today? Player B: I had a good game but we lost. Player A: That's a bugger. Player B: Yeah our skip didn't save us enough.
the ladies in the kitchen
Meaning: a band of volounteers who must never ever be forgotten Themes: praise,arse-covering Contributor: Anon
Usage
MC: And, finally, everyone have a safe trip home and thanks for playing.
A lady in the kitchen: What about the ladies in the kitchen.
MC: Of course, how could I forget, and thanks to the ladies in the kitchen for a really scrumptious lunch.
Bloke with dirty hands: What about the blokes who rolled the green? What about the blokes who raked the ditches. What about.....
all good
Meaning: you played a bowl on the correct bias. Themes: candour,compassion,bemusement Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: How was my last one? Skip:all good.
why did he change my hand?
Meaning: an enternal question second only to where did we come from? Themes: bemusement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip to other skip: Watch this for a laugh. Bobo's an around-the-clocker. Never plays forehand.
Skip: Bobo I want you to try one on your forehand. They're not turning on that side.
Bobo: I can see it this way.
Skip: Yeah I know but they're not turning out there and we really need a close one.
Bobo: Are you sure?
Skip: Yes Bobo. It's for the best.
Bobo: All right. Shit, side ditch. why did he change my hand?
welcome back
Meaning: our best player will only ever play second. We rely on him to have any chance. Unusually for him, his bowls on the last end didn't finish in the count. No idea why he still plays with us. Themes: bitterness Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: About bloody time. welcome back.
didn't save us enough
Meaning: did not play a game of a sufficiently high standard required to make up for our deficiencies Themes: blame-shifting,arse-covering Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go today? Player B: I had a good game but we lost. Player A: That's a bugger. Player B: Yeah our skip didn't save us enough.
free spin
Meaning: the opposition skip has failed to execute a simple draw, it is now the turn of our skip Themes: blame-shifting,fatalism Contributor: Damo
Usage
Third: Righto, free spin. Just don't go too wide. Skip: Shit it's not coming back. Third: Well fuck me. Skip: That was your fault. You put me off when you said not to go too wide.
I beat my bloke
Meaning: the contributions from each player today was unequal Themes: candour,blame-shifting Contributor: Neil
Usage
Player A: Any good? Player B: Na. Lost. Got 2 points. I beat my bloke.
a funny old game
Meaning: a statement of fact about bowls Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: I've sprayed it a bit. Still a chance though. Double wick!
Skip B: Now I've fuckingwell seen everyfuckingthing. 5 fucking up to 3 fucking down. Fuck me. I'm wasting my fucking time playing this fucking shit of a game. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Skip A: Yes you're absolutely 100% correct. It sure is a funny old game sometimes.
a shit head
Meaning: either a reference to poorly grouped bowls or the cranial features of the opposition skip. Sometimes employed ambiguously. Themes: candour,judgement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a shit head Skip: And the bowls aren't any better.
all good
Meaning: you played a bowl on the correct bias. Themes: candour,compassion,bemusement Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: How was my last one? Skip:all good.
all of 'em
Meaning: the number we are down prior to our skip playing his last bowl. Themes: candour,despair Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: How many down are we? Third:all of 'em.
for the good of the club
Meaning: the reason most frequently given for being dropped to a lower side Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Selector: We've put you skipping in the fourths so these new blokes get some idea what to do. It's for the good of the club.
I beat my bloke
Meaning: the contributions from each player today was unequal Themes: candour,blame-shifting Contributor: Neil
Usage
Player A: Any good? Player B: Na. Lost. Got 2 points. I beat my bloke.
we'd'a been better off playing one short
Meaning: a player in our rink performed poorly Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: That new bloke go OK? Player B: Tried hard but we'd'a been better off playing one short.
mine's a toucher
Meaning: it is beyond dispute that my bowl hit the jack Themes: certainty,justice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Mark my bowl. mine's a toucher. Player B: It can't be a toucher. There was another bowl in front of the jack. It couldn't've hit it. Player A: Not directly no. I got a wick and came off that bastard! over there. I'm tellin' ya. Sure as fuckin' eggs mine's a toucher.
not coming back from there
Meaning: whether or not a bowl delivered wide will make it back to inside the boundary peg. No it won't. Themes: certainty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Geez that's a bit wide. Shit, the wind's got it.
Skip: The bastard's not coming back from there.
there's no-one else
Meaning: we players in the top side are bonded together, as one, united in our desire to remain so, as protected species, an untouchable breed above all others Themes: certainty,realism Contributor: Neil
Usage
Selector: Another fucking loss. Still on the fucking bottom. There'll be some allfuckingmighty changes this week.
Senior skip: Agreed. I suggest Fumbles and Catchup swap and Gumbo skips in place of Orca. Bit down on confidence old Orca.
Selector: Are you deaf and blind as well as fucking useless and stupid? You're on the fucking bottom for fuck sake. Another loss and this club's fucked. And you're fucked along with rest of your fucking useless mates in the top fucking side.
Senior skip: Ya not thinking of bringing someone up from the seconds, are ya? Mate don't be stupid, we're it. there's no-one else. I wish it was different but there's no-one else.
all good
Meaning: you played a bowl on the correct bias. Themes: candour,compassion,bemusement Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: How was my last one? Skip:all good.
down the hill
Meaning: a pitifully sad way of saying your bowl will pull up short Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Neil
Usage
Skip: Come on down the hill. That's it little bowl. Just a bit more. down the hill. Almost there. down the hill. No, it's run out of puff. Bad luck.
he was a real good bowler in his day
Meaning: time catches up with everyone, not necessarily at the same rate Themes: compassion Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Had a good battle with old Clarrie. Player B:he was a real good bowler in his day. Player A: I thought I matched him. Player B: Pig's arse you did. Player A: What is he now? Close to 80? Player B: Not all that close. 94. Player A: He still goes alright then. Player B: Yeah he was a real good bowler in his day.
you've got another one
Meaning: your first bowl was shit, there's an outside chance that your second one will be better Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Harry
Usage
Player: Sorry. Skip: Don't worry about it. you've got another one.
bowl to my foot
Meaning: I want you to play a yard on through the head, however I doubt your ability to play such a shot without considerable assistance. Themes: condescension Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: We need to change things a bit. bowl to my foot.
bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
Meaning: I want a short end with the mat right up but you're too stupid to understand that so I'll have to spell it out. Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: Where do you want it? Skip:bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
handy there
Meaning: not where I wanted it but at least it's not in the ditch Themes: condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Hmmmmm. handy there
hit the bit you can see
Meaning: a request of a reluctant player that he attempt a drive beyond his ability Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: GdB
Usage
Skip: Hit that one. Third: I can only see a bit of it Skip: Well hit the bit you can see then.
in the mix
Meaning: not your worst bowl of the day Themes: condescension,praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: That's OK. You're in the mix.
little rings on the inside
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: condescension,wit Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Bloodywell concentrate. little rings on the inside.
the best here
Meaning: there was nothing to beat and you beat it Themes: praise,condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Chug. Chug. Chug a bit more. Yep. That's the best here
I've seen his type before
Meaning: reference to a person of undesirable character Themes: criticism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you find the other skip?
Player B: Didn't like him. I've seen his type before. He's a number 4.
you're jack high
Meaning: good weight, bad line Themes: criticism,praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third:you're jack high [sotto voce] but nowhere near it fuckwit.
can you use an arm in bocce?
Meaning: a reasonable enquiry Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: That bloke been using an arm long?
Our skip: About a year or so.
Their skip: Hasn't quite worked out the release yet.
Our skip: Nah not yet. He's a lobber. Seems to lob every second one. can you use an arm in bocce?
excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet?
Meaning: Mabel is an elderly lady nearing the end of a long and distinguished career: 4 mixed pairs titles with her late husband Harold; twice runner-up in the ladies minor singles; and 6 most successful and harmonious years as lady vice-president of the ladies committee. Of late she has struggled making the distance, particularly on a slow green. She is also inclined to occasionally drop her bowl, her grip strength not being what it once was. Her first bowl on this end was not the finest of her career, nor day. Edward, the skip, who is of a similar vintage, has vision problems. Here, Edward, who has just returned to the rink after refilling his sports bottle, was enquiring as to the fate of Mabel's bowl. Themes: curiosity Contributor: MM
Usage
Edward: Slurp, slurp. That's better. excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet? Mabel: What was that Edward?
I musta mista end
Meaning: the result of a score check Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: 20/15, 3 to go?
Opposition second: I've got 18 all last end.
Lead, opposition lead, third, opposition third: They said last end was up and back.
Second:I musta mista end
what's the story?
Meaning: a singles player enquires as to the state of the head, his smartarse mate is marking Themes: curiosity,anxiety Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A:what's the story? Marker: It was a dark and stormy....... Player A: Fuck off.
whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?
Meaning: an unnecessary question Themes: curiosity Contributor: Tezza
Usage
Third: Alternatively, if you play a bit over on your backhand you might get the jack back to our catchers over here for 3.
Skip: Yes but I could try a swinger around the front one. Then again, covering those ones might be the go. Or a blocker.
Other skip: 30 fucking minute rule! It'll be fucking dark soon.
Skip: Language! [starts walking back to mat end]
Skip stops halfway for another look: Yes I think so. That's what I'll do.
Skip on mat with bowl in hand:whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?.
that is shot
Meaning: a player is rather pleased with his last bowl Themes: egotism,delusion Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A thinks to himself: It's a beauty. Miss that bastard. Through that gap. I've fuckingwell nailed it. Player A points ring finger of right hand skywards: Player A speaks:that is shot. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is shot. Opponent of player A (umpire for the day): Foot fault!
that's me blocker
Meaning: a short bowl I've just played Themes: optimism,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: That's a shit bowl Donny. Donny: No it's not. that's me blocker
they stacked their side
Meaning: we lost badly Themes: injustice,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: Do any good? Donny B: Nope. they stacked their side. Player A: You're playing division 5. Why would they stack their side? Donny: Dunno. All I know is they stacked their side.
you chase that shit?
Meaning: an expression of disdain Themes: shock,derision Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: Go, go, go. It's a goodie. Pant, pant, pant. Yes, yes, no. Opponent: Fuck me. you chase that shit?.
all of 'em
Meaning: the number we are down prior to our skip playing his last bowl. Themes: candour,despair Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: How many down are we? Third:all of 'em.
done nothing all day
Meaning: what another player did until he didn't Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Geez you were stiff.
Player B: Yep. Holding game until the last bowl. Their fucking skip done nothing all day trails the fucking jack for a fucking 5.
Player A:done nothing all day until that last bowl.
Player B: Yep.
holding game until the last bowl
Meaning: a winning position thwarted Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go in that one? Player B: Good start. Up for most of it. holding game until the last bowl then wick fuckitty wick. Lost by 1.
I shoulda warned ya
Meaning: a statement of regret Themes: despair,regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Who'd've thought an old prick like that could drive? Third: I seen him before. I shoulda warned ya.
I've had a gutful
Meaning: I am a patient person but my limit has been reached; I can take no more Themes: exasparation,despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Coach: This mob we just lost to. Average age 85. Notice anything? No? They all had a lifter. Prepa-blooody-rations. No bending down for these old bastards. I've had a gutful. Ranga, where were you Thursdee training?
Ranga: Hospital. She dropped another one.
Coach: Dribbledick?
Dribbledick: Daisy. Breech birth. Almost lost me non-dominant arm.
Coach: Spanner?
Spanner: Me best bitch was whelping. Got 4 good littlies.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth?
Wobbly: Tractor shit itself.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth or tractors?
Professor: I find the shambolic nature of our training sessions to be ineffective pedagogically insofar as it is not conducive to .........
Coach: That's the guts of the problem right there Professor. Indi-bloody-vidualism. Every bastard doing what they wanna do. Well I've had a gutful. An absolute bloody gutful. New rule. Don't turn up Thursdee, ya don't play Satdee. Simple as that 'cos I've had a gutful.
just give me something
Meaning: a plaintive request for an improved performance Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: What should I try this time me old skipperoo? Skip: I don't care. just give me something I can work with. Any fucking thing will do. just give me something.
keep that grass
Meaning: good line, bad weight Themes: despair Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third:keep that grass [sotto voce] cockbrain.
same fucking bowl
Meaning: your last bowl was shit, this bowl is also shit Themes: despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same fucking bowl.
short bowls are killing us
Meaning: I am insufficently skilled to play through gaps a metre wide Themes: despair,dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Magoo, Uncle Fester, Big Fella, listen up. short bowls are killing us. You got it? short bowls are killing us
that side's fucked
Meaning: my inability to get a single bowl close on that side has led me to conclude the surface is sub-standard. My opponent's apparent lack of such difficulty is a statistical outlier and may be ignored. Themes: despair,poise Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Fuck it. that side's fucked
getcha bowls up
Meaning: I am a good average player, I am not a magician. Continuing to litter the green with short shit means that, firstly, I find it difficult to negotiate a path to the jack and, secondly, my very infrequent perfect trail shot will only result in, at best, 1 to us, not the multiples we require FOR ANY FUCKING CHANCE OF WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME. No I am not angry, just a little disappointed. Themes: disappointment,optimism,hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Right, enough's enough. getcha bowls up.
(An interesting aside is that the name Bowlsup originated from this phrase.)
it all turned to shit
Meaning: the last few words of most stories involving bowls Themes: disappointment Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Went alright? Player B: Good to the break. Dunno what happened but it all turned to shit after that.
join in whenever you're ready
Meaning: you have consistently failed in your attempts to draw within 2 metres. Furthermore, you appear uninterested in proceedings. Please improve in both facets. Themes: disappointment Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Oi Magoo, get off your fat arse and join in whenever you're ready.
gave us nothing all day
Meaning: we lost due to the referenced player's (or players') performance being sub-optimal Themes: dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Useless bloody front end. gave us nothing all day. Third: Yep. Fuckin' nothing.
short bowls are killing us
Meaning: I am insufficently skilled to play through gaps a metre wide Themes: despair,dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Magoo, Uncle Fester, Big Fella, listen up. short bowls are killing us. You got it? short bowls are killing us
that is shot
Meaning: a player is rather pleased with his last bowl Themes: egotism,delusion Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A thinks to himself: It's a beauty. Miss that bastard. Through that gap. I've fuckingwell nailed it. Player A points ring finger of right hand skywards: Player A speaks:that is shot. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is shot. Opponent of player A (umpire for the day): Foot fault!
down the hill
Meaning: a pitifully sad way of saying your bowl will pull up short Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Neil
Usage
Skip: Come on down the hill. That's it little bowl. Just a bit more. down the hill. Almost there. down the hill. No, it's run out of puff. Bad luck.
run out of puff
Meaning: 1. what a bowl does when it finishes short 2. what a team does when it loses after having a big lead Themes: empathy Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You lost then? Player B: Too fat, too old, too many ends. We run out of puff.
you've got another one
Meaning: your first bowl was shit, there's an outside chance that your second one will be better Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Harry
Usage
Player: Sorry. Skip: Don't worry about it. you've got another one.
give it a chance
Meaning: an imploration to at least reach the head Themes: encouragement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Righto. In there. give it a chance.
Player A: (grunting noise due to slow green) Can't chuck it any harder than that.
Skip: In the ditch. Bad luck. Al least you give it a chance.
top skip
Meaning: a skip to whom one has lost a game Themes: envy,irony Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: How'd ya go Satdee? Player B: Lost. They had a top skip. A really top skip. Player A: This top skip. Good was he? Player B: Real good. Should be playing division 1 somewhere.
a bit narra
Meaning: how to play a particular bowl; a simple instruction, usually not well followed Themes: frustration,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Second: I can't get around the front one. Or under it. Skip: Well play it a bit narra to here. Second: Oops Skip: Fuck me. a bit narra's what I said. a bit narra not outa-fucking-bounds narra.
awesome track
Meaning: a bowl delivered with perfect grass, almost on the line, albeit a few metres short Themes: exasparation Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: 4 down, we need a good one Third: How's that? Skip:awesome track pal. Another 6 on your next Third: And this one? Skip:awesome track again pal [sotto voce] well that fucks up the drive
bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
Meaning: I want a short end with the mat right up but you're too stupid to understand that so I'll have to spell it out. Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: Where do you want it? Skip:bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
get outa the road
Meaning: I would like the something or somebody in my way to not be in my way. The something is generally a bowl, the somebody a person. Themes: exasparation Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Second: Oi you, get outa the road. I can't see the bloody pegs.
Second (a little later): Oi you again, get outa the road. I'm trying to do the bloody big board.
Second (even later):get outa the road. Bloody short shit.
hit the bit you can see
Meaning: a request of a reluctant player that he attempt a drive beyond his ability Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: GdB
Usage
Skip: Hit that one. Third: I can only see a bit of it Skip: Well hit the bit you can see then.
I've had a gutful
Meaning: I am a patient person but my limit has been reached; I can take no more Themes: exasparation,despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Coach: This mob we just lost to. Average age 85. Notice anything? No? They all had a lifter. Prepa-blooody-rations. No bending down for these old bastards. I've had a gutful. Ranga, where were you Thursdee training?
Ranga: Hospital. She dropped another one.
Coach: Dribbledick?
Dribbledick: Daisy. Breech birth. Almost lost me non-dominant arm.
Coach: Spanner?
Spanner: Me best bitch was whelping. Got 4 good littlies.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth?
Wobbly: Tractor shit itself.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth or tractors?
Professor: I find the shambolic nature of our training sessions to be ineffective pedagogically insofar as it is not conducive to .........
Coach: That's the guts of the problem right there Professor. Indi-bloody-vidualism. Every bastard doing what they wanna do. Well I've had a gutful. An absolute bloody gutful. New rule. Don't turn up Thursdee, ya don't play Satdee. Simple as that 'cos I've had a gutful.
all fucking day!
Meaning: although the referenced player (and team) has played much better than us, his second slightly luckyish shot for the day has killed any hope of us winning Themes: exasperation Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their Third: Got a nice edge off that wide bowl. Good one Skip.
Our Skip: Fuck me! Another fucking one! all fucking day! (Note: not to be confused with all day.)
clear air
Meaning: our bowl is about to run into an opposition bowl; the intention of saying "clear air" is to somehow distort the nature of the space-time continuum so the collision doesn't happen. "Clear road" is also sometimes used synonymously. Both may be abbreviated to just "clear". Themes: optimism,fantasy Contributor: Peter
Usage
Third:clear air Second:clear air Lead:clear air In unison: Shit!
free spin
Meaning: the opposition skip has failed to execute a simple draw, it is now the turn of our skip Themes: blame-shifting,fatalism Contributor: Damo
Usage
Third: Righto, free spin. Just don't go too wide. Skip: Shit it's not coming back. Third: Well fuck me. Skip: That was your fault. You put me off when you said not to go too wide.
double wick!
Meaning: despite my bowl being delivered with poor grass and weight, I can forsee it deflecting twice to ultimately reach the head at a favourable angle thereby moving the jack to give us a minimum of 3 shots Themes: foresight,optimism Contributor: Ernie
Usage
Skip not in possession mat: Good luck with this one. Skip in possession of mat after delivering bowl which has travelled roughly half way:double wick!.
a bit narra
Meaning: how to play a particular bowl; a simple instruction, usually not well followed Themes: frustration,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Second: I can't get around the front one. Or under it. Skip: Well play it a bit narra to here. Second: Oops Skip: Fuck me. a bit narra's what I said. a bit narra not outa-fucking-bounds narra.
you must noo cross the line
Meaning: it is imperative that you not bowl narrow agin Themes: frustration Contributor: Jock
Usage
Skip: A wee draw tae here. I dinnae ken bin wide. you must noo cross the line.
don't be low
Meaning: don't be narrow FFS Themes: futility Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:don't be low Third: That's low.
ignore that bowl
Meaning: run into that bowl Themes: optimism,futility Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: The red bowl's in me way Skip (points at red bowl): Play the same hand, ignore that bowl. That bowl isn't there.
miss on the high side
Meaning: FFS don't be narrow Themes: hope,futility Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Low's no good. miss on the high side.
off that bastard!
Meaning: this bowl is slightly ill-directed although, with a bit of luck, it might get a useful deflection Themes: hope,glory Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player: Come on. Come on. off that bastard! Yes!
around-the-clocker
Meaning: a bowler who, by preference or deficiency of technique, bowls on the same hand, end after end, day after day, week after week, year after year, until death with his bowls doth part Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: What's that dickhead doing? There's a shitload of room on the forehand/backhand.
Player B: That's Player C for ya, a real around-the-clocker. I seen him play backhand/forehand once for a bet. Shithouse bowl but he won the bet. He'll never do much good but he's happy being an around-the-clocker.
I frisbeed it
Meaning: how I chucked a mat really far Themes: honesty Contributor: Alby
Usage
Umpire: Last warning for mat chucking.
Player A: I never chucked it, I frisbeed it.
nothing's changed
Meaning: the status quo remains Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Well?
Third:nothing's changed. Still got 1. [sotto voce] Their skip's just as useless as ours.
am I up?
Meaning: a rhetorical question to which the answer, should a superfluous one be given, is always no Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third: We're 4 down now. You gotta be up. Skip:am I up?am I up? Third: No.
big bowl
Meaning: an important delivery, a possible match-changer Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: If I get rid of that one we'll have 4. Third: That'd be a big bowl. You wouldn't wanna get ours though. Skip: Yeah, a real big bowl. Pretty much guarantee a win on the big board! Opposition third: That was a big bowl for us. Has your skip always been a dickhead?
getcha bowls up
Meaning: I am a good average player, I am not a magician. Continuing to litter the green with short shit means that, firstly, I find it difficult to negotiate a path to the jack and, secondly, my very infrequent perfect trail shot will only result in, at best, 1 to us, not the multiples we require FOR ANY FUCKING CHANCE OF WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME. No I am not angry, just a little disappointed. Themes: disappointment,optimism,hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Right, enough's enough. getcha bowls up.
(An interesting aside is that the name Bowlsup originated from this phrase.)
miss on the high side
Meaning: FFS don't be narrow Themes: hope,futility Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Low's no good. miss on the high side.
nothing for narrow
Meaning: please do not bowl narrow again as your previous narrow bowls blocked my path to the jack. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Keep it wide if anything. nothing for narrow.
off that bastard!
Meaning: this bowl is slightly ill-directed although, with a bit of luck, it might get a useful deflection Themes: hope,glory Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player: Come on. Come on. off that bastard! Yes!
same bowl
Meaning: please try to replicate your previous satisfactory delivery Themes: hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same bowl.
sit and cover
Meaning: we've got shot, they've got a shitload just behind. The ideal bowl is to sit on their bunch while still being in the count. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Get to these ones. A bit wide is OK. sit and cover. Just don't play their bowl for them. Third: Stay up. Stay up. Don't turn yet you bastard. Skip: Well done. 5 down. There was only 1 way to fuck it up and you found it.
why you no up?
Meaning: despite the closeness of the contest and previous entreaties to reach the head, a front end player has, unfortunately, delivered a bowl of insufficient initial velocity to be in the mix Themes: incomprehension Contributor: Gus
Usage
Skip: You gotta be up Chully. why you no up?.
Chully: Eh, vaffanculo.
won't die wondering
Meaning: a real never-say-die sort of attitude Themes: indomitability Contributor: Neil
Usage
Their third: Fuck me, here he goes again.
Our third: By golly yes. Our skip has a real Biggles-like never-say-die sort of attitude. Plucky, determined, tenacious, spirited and daring just about sums him up. Not to mention valiant, adventurous, fearless, gritty and undaunted. He won't die wondering, that's for sure.
just don't fuck it up
Meaning: a plaintive request that a risky shot be played competently Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: I can see 1 of 'em. I reckon they'll both go. Skip: Sure? Third: Like shellin' peas. Skip: We've only got 1 in the head. just don't fuck it up. Third: Got 1. Darn, that was unlucky. Skip: You fucked it up.
rake the fucking head
Meaning: an effective way of playing bowls Themes: inevitability,outrage,skill Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Player A: Didja win? Player B: No but we played good. Player A: How'dja lose then? Player B: All those other pricks could do was rake the fucking head all fucking day.
tackle him Magoo
Meaning: Magoo is an opposition player who delivered an earlier short bowl to an awkward position. One of our bowls is on track for a good result but will probably run into Magoo's bowl. This phrase is employed to ensure that this does indeed occur. An aside: anthropomorhism is common in the game of bowls. Players frequently refer to a physical bowl, an inanimate object, as though it is the person who delivered it. Statements such as "get going Shitface" and "in there Shitface" (Shitface being the moniker of a team mate) while being nonsensical to the non-bowler are readily understood by devotees of the game as endearing entreaties offered as encouragement for a successful outcome of Shitface's most recent bowl. Themes: inevitability Contributor: Salty
Usage
Our player: Go on, get around it. Get afuckinground it. Their player:tackle him Magoo Our player: Fuck it.
they're always on a good line
Meaning: a reference to the inital line of a bowled played with wrong bias Themes: resignation,inevitability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: That's come out all right Player B: It's wrong bias Player A: Shit, it was on a good line Player B:they're always on a good line
too good a roll up
Meaning: a reason for losing Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Win?
Player B: Nuh?
Player A: How? I seen your roll up.
Player B: Exactly. Used 'em up early. too good a roll up.
they stacked their side
Meaning: we lost badly Themes: injustice,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: Do any good? Donny B: Nope. they stacked their side. Player A: You're playing division 5. Why would they stack their side? Donny: Dunno. All I know is they stacked their side.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
top skip
Meaning: a skip to whom one has lost a game Themes: envy,irony Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: How'd ya go Satdee? Player B: Lost. They had a top skip. A really top skip. Player A: This top skip. Good was he? Player B: Real good. Should be playing division 1 somewhere.
we need one over there
Meaning: please draw me another shot as there is no chance whatsoever of them moving the jack for a 5. Themes: irony,adventure Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: That's a couple. Third: Whaddya want this time? Skip:we need one over there
what rotten bad luck
Meaning: your execution of an easy shot was appalling. An example of sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Themes: irony,wit Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third: That's on track. Here it comes. Here it comes. Nah. Into the fucking wall again. what rotten bad luck
you can do it
Meaning: the probability of you executing a shot of moderate difficulty is low Themes: irony,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third to skip: You've got 4 metres to the ditch for second. you can do it Lead and second: No he can't.
a shit head
Meaning: either a reference to poorly grouped bowls or the cranial features of the opposition skip. Sometimes employed ambiguously. Themes: candour,judgement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a shit head Skip: And the bowls aren't any better.
mine's a toucher
Meaning: it is beyond dispute that my bowl hit the jack Themes: certainty,justice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Mark my bowl. mine's a toucher. Player B: It can't be a toucher. There was another bowl in front of the jack. It couldn't've hit it. Player A: Not directly no. I got a wick and came off that bastard! over there. I'm tellin' ya. Sure as fuckin' eggs mine's a toucher.
they stacked their side
Meaning: we lost badly Themes: injustice,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: Do any good? Donny B: Nope. they stacked their side. Player A: You're playing division 5. Why would they stack their side? Donny: Dunno. All I know is they stacked their side.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
back end
Meaning: the third and skip in a team Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Lead: Look at the back end they've got. Second: Yep. We're fucked.
front end
Meaning: the lead and second in a fours team (or just the lead in a triples team) Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: No wonder we lost with the front end we had. Third: Yeah. No fucking wonder.
short shit
Meaning: bowl/s that lacked requisite oomph when delivered Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Fuck me, short shit everyfuckingwhere.
the dance floor
Meaning: the area of the green somewhere near the jack, also the part of a shearing shed where the sheep get shorn Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: So we need this one to win?
Third: Yep. You can do it. Plenty of room on the dance floor.
wick
Meaning: noun - a slight deflection of a bowl in motion off another stationary bowl, usually unintended. Such a deflection can be both favourable and unfavourable (pick 1) depending upon the outcome and player's POVs.
verb - to slightly deflect off another bowl thereby altering the bowl's path. Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Cedric: A lovely wick sir.
Charles: (says nothing but acknowledges Cedric's comment with a slight nod in his direction)
Someone not named Charles or Cedric: all fucking day!
big board!
Meaning: our rink is trailing badly, indeed, as is the rink of Ernest; however, as pennant bowls is fundamentally a team game, the relative success of both Charles and Francis means we are not entirely bereft of hope in achieving a remarkable victory.  Ernest and I should therefore resolve to abandon forthwith our usual game plans of playing unlikely hero shots at every opportunity and instead concentrate on limiting our already substantial losses. We must all remember that the most important thing to consider is the total across all rinks. In doing so we aspire to beat these fuckers. Themes: optimism,mateship,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A:big board! Player B:big board! Player C: Come on we're in this. big board!
brother
Meaning: anyone playing bowls with Tommy Themes: mateship Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: This is good brother Lead: A pearler brother Tommy: Yo' brother Third: bomb! brother Tommy: Yeah nah brother I knew it was good.
it's a team game
Meaning: the nature of any game of bowls other than singles Themes: teamwork,mateship Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: First time today I've had 2 good ones and you had to fuck them off.
Third: The skip told me to. They were vulnerable. it's a team game.
am I up?
Meaning: a rhetorical question to which the answer, should a superfluous one be given, is always no Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third: We're 4 down now. You gotta be up. Skip:am I up?am I up? Third: No.
be a good bowler one day
Meaning: becoming good at bowls doesn't happen overnight, or necessarily ever Themes: patience,optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: That lead of yours been bowling for long? Skip B: Started a few seasons ago. be a good bowler one day. Skip A: Not just yet though. Skip B: Shit no. Get a decent bowl out of him every half hour if I'm lucky. But he'll get there. Takes time. He'll be a good bowler one day.
be the club
Meaning: I like your line, not sure about your weight. A golfing analogy. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:be the club. be the club. be the club. Nuh. Wrong club.
big board!
Meaning: our rink is trailing badly, indeed, as is the rink of Ernest; however, as pennant bowls is fundamentally a team game, the relative success of both Charles and Francis means we are not entirely bereft of hope in achieving a remarkable victory.  Ernest and I should therefore resolve to abandon forthwith our usual game plans of playing unlikely hero shots at every opportunity and instead concentrate on limiting our already substantial losses. We must all remember that the most important thing to consider is the total across all rinks. In doing so we aspire to beat these fuckers. Themes: optimism,mateship,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A:big board! Player B:big board! Player C: Come on we're in this. big board!
big bowl
Meaning: an important delivery, a possible match-changer Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: If I get rid of that one we'll have 4. Third: That'd be a big bowl. You wouldn't wanna get ours though. Skip: Yeah, a real big bowl. Pretty much guarantee a win on the big board! Opposition third: That was a big bowl for us. Has your skip always been a dickhead?
catchers over here
Meaning: our bowls on this end are nowhere near the jack. We require you as skip to move the jack nearer to our bowls using whatever means are available to you. Themes: optimism,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Anything on? Third: Got catchers over here.
clear air
Meaning: our bowl is about to run into an opposition bowl; the intention of saying "clear air" is to somehow distort the nature of the space-time continuum so the collision doesn't happen. "Clear road" is also sometimes used synonymously. Both may be abbreviated to just "clear". Themes: optimism,fantasy Contributor: Peter
Usage
Third:clear air Second:clear air Lead:clear air In unison: Shit!
double wick!
Meaning: despite my bowl being delivered with poor grass and weight, I can forsee it deflecting twice to ultimately reach the head at a favourable angle thereby moving the jack to give us a minimum of 3 shots Themes: foresight,optimism Contributor: Ernie
Usage
Skip not in possession mat: Good luck with this one. Skip in possession of mat after delivering bowl which has travelled roughly half way:double wick!.
every bowl counts
Meaning: no bowl is more important than any other; regardless of its bias, creed or colour it has an intrinsic worth as a bowl, a potential counter Themes: optimism Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Player A: Getting close. Big board! We gotta take it one end at a time. Player B: I take your point Player A, however I feel the rapidly closing gap vis a vis the big board! mandates an increased focus at the micro level; in other words, we need to take it one bowl at a time.
Player A: A fair point well made, Player B, we do need to take it one bowl at a time. Might I also suggest now would be an opportune time to stress that every bowl counts?
Player B: Indeed it is such a time Player A. I must concur with your splendid proposition. Every corker counts, every bomb! counts, every pearler counts. every bowl counts.
getcha bowls up
Meaning: I am a good average player, I am not a magician. Continuing to litter the green with short shit means that, firstly, I find it difficult to negotiate a path to the jack and, secondly, my very infrequent perfect trail shot will only result in, at best, 1 to us, not the multiples we require FOR ANY FUCKING CHANCE OF WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME. No I am not angry, just a little disappointed. Themes: disappointment,optimism,hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Right, enough's enough. getcha bowls up.
(An interesting aside is that the name Bowlsup originated from this phrase.)
got the back wood
Meaning: we have a single bowl at the back, they have several Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Any ideas? Third: Nuh. Hang on a minute. got the back wood
hang about
Meaning: too heavy again Themes: resignation,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:hang about, hang about. Nuh. A good yard.
ignore that bowl
Meaning: run into that bowl Themes: optimism,futility Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: The red bowl's in me way Skip (points at red bowl): Play the same hand, ignore that bowl. That bowl isn't there.
jack in the pond
Meaning: despite your many previous failed attempts at hitting the jack, we once again beseech thee to play a difficult shot with requisite skill. We are not hopeful. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip: It's in the open now. jack in the pond
just out
Meaning: you haven't got shot Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Good bowl, just out.
right from the start!
Meaning: let's not all drop multiples on the first end like we usually do Themes: optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Coach in huddle: OK. Let's roll. right from the start! Assembled players:right from the start!. A smartarse (former cub): We'll dob, dob, dob.
right to the end!
Meaning: forget about our first half; we're now a very slim chance of winning Themes: optimism Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Skip: OK boys. right to the end! We can win this.
that's me blocker
Meaning: a short bowl I've just played Themes: optimism,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: That's a shit bowl Donny. Donny: No it's not. that's me blocker
two to you Big Fella
Meaning: Big Fella (who may or may not be large in stature or even a fella) has got shot via a bowl that may or may not have involved an element of luck. It's a measure for the second. Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Another pearler. two to you Big Fella
we having a break?
Meaning: an enquiry as to whether bowling activities are to be suspended for a time during which light refreshments may be consumed and last year's speech by the president recycled; also an opportunity to temporarily stop getting a hiding Themes: optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Another fucking 4. we having a break?
you can do it
Meaning: the probability of you executing a shot of moderate difficulty is low Themes: irony,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third to skip: You've got 4 metres to the ditch for second. you can do it Lead and second: No he can't.
rake the fucking head
Meaning: an effective way of playing bowls Themes: inevitability,outrage,skill Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Player A: Didja win? Player B: No but we played good. Player A: How'dja lose then? Player B: All those other pricks could do was rake the fucking head all fucking day.
the green hasn't been rolled
Meaning: I put down a perfect bowl and it didn't turn Themes: outrage Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Look at that. Did you see that? the green hasn't been rolled. Player B: Magoo rolled it. Twice both ways. Player A: Magoo. That explains it.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
one bowl at a time
Meaning: how one should play the game; a rare example of genuine wisdom Themes: palpability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Righto fellas, 3 ends to go. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We've gotta play 'em one bowl at a time.
one end at a time
Meaning: we have the lead, there are 5 ends to go. After this end there will be 4 ends to go, then 3 ends to go and so on down to 0. When we get to 0 the game is over. Themes: palpability,wisdom Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip:one end at a time Third: Yeah. one end at a time. Second: Fuck yeah. one end at a time. Lead: Too fucking right. one end at a time.
don't clap wicks
Meaning: doing so is considered rather poor form old chap, especially by those whose shit doesn't stink Themes: passivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Shit that was a lucky one.
Lead and second: Yoohoo, way to go skip, you're the best, stick it up 'em.
Opposition third:don't clap wicks.
Our third: Don't be a cockhead.
anyone got it?
Meaning: a combination of colour and number (obsolete) Themes: patience Contributor: Cliff
Usage
MC: Here we go again. Red is still the colour. 6 is the new number. anyone got it? No? Another go then.
Raffle Participant: Do the bloody number first.
MC: Not necessary my friend. This way works exactly the same. Red's the colour. 19 is the new number. anyone got it?
be a good bowler one day
Meaning: becoming good at bowls doesn't happen overnight, or necessarily ever Themes: patience,optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: That lead of yours been bowling for long? Skip B: Started a few seasons ago. be a good bowler one day. Skip A: Not just yet though. Skip B: Shit no. Get a decent bowl out of him every half hour if I'm lucky. But he'll get there. Takes time. He'll be a good bowler one day.
shit, the wind's got it
Meaning: I've made quite a significant error with the line I've taken and need an excuse. Pray tell, is there any wind about? Themes: poise Contributor: JB
Usage
Player: That's not a wrong bias it? Oh no, shit, the wind's got it.
that side's fucked
Meaning: my inability to get a single bowl close on that side has led me to conclude the surface is sub-standard. My opponent's apparent lack of such difficulty is a statistical outlier and may be ignored. Themes: despair,poise Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Fuck it. that side's fucked
what do I need?
Meaning: an enquiry as to the distance one's previous bowl was short of the scoring zone Themes: politeness Contributor: Paddles
Usage
(redacted): Was my last one short?
Skip: Yes (redacted) it was short again.
(redacted):what do I need?.
Skip: A few weeks in the seconds wouldn't hurt.
good try
Meaning: a poor attempt Themes: positivity Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Match that one. [sotto voce] Nowhere near it again. [normal voice] good try
luck's a fortune
Meaning: an old saying but true Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: Shit. Given it away.
Our skip: What was bad luck for you, is good luck for me. The old saying about luck's a fortune could not be truer as is the one about swings and roundabouts.
Their skip: Except that it's all fucking swings and no fucking roundabouts.
you gotta be up
Meaning: a golden rule for skips when down Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: A real shit sandwich. 6 down. you gotta be up.
that's me done
Meaning: my understanding of my job as lead is to put one on and one behind, consistently so for end after end, and then let you clowns take all the glory Themes: pragmaticism,satisfaction Contributor: JB
Usage
Lead: Last bowl, last end. that's me done. We win. See you next week.
all day
Meaning: a recognition that said player has played exceptionally well Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:all day Snags
Opposition Skip: That prick's played well.
Skip: Yep we'd be stuffed without Snags.
(Note: not to be confused with all fucking day!)
bomb!
Meaning: a successful bowl which resulted in us obtaining shot, possibly more than 1 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip:bomb!
corker
Meaning: a satisfactorily delivered bowl. In the hierarchy of such bowls it is third behind bomb! then pearler. The hierarchy may be temporarily changed by preceding the bowl description adjectivally with "bloody" or "fucking"; bloody elevates it by one position, fucking by two. Thus a bloody corker is superior to a pearler but not as good as a bomb!, whereas a fucking corker is better than both a bomb! and a pearler. Mixing adjectives in the one discourse is not recommended and likely to result in confusion. Outbursts such as "it's a bomb!, a bloody corker, a bloody fucking pearler" should be avoided unless you and others are drinking at the time. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Meaning: your first bowl was on your forehand/backhand, it was ok. Your second bowl was on your backhand/forehand, a change requiring body and bowl relocation of the highest order - it too was OK. Congratulations on your mastery of this feat. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Backhand this time. Well done. good changeup.
in the mix
Meaning: not your worst bowl of the day Themes: condescension,praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: That's OK. You're in the mix.
just out
Meaning: you haven't got shot Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Good bowl, just out.
pearler
Meaning: a good bowl, not quite as good as a bomb! but superior to a corker Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Another pearler. Might be.
sensational
Meaning: we've got shot, we're perhaps holding 2 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: What a bowler. sensational.
the best here
Meaning: there was nothing to beat and you beat it Themes: praise,condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Chug. Chug. Chug a bit more. Yep. That's the best here
the ladies in the kitchen
Meaning: a band of volounteers who must never ever be forgotten Themes: praise,arse-covering Contributor: Anon
Usage
MC: And, finally, everyone have a safe trip home and thanks for playing.
A lady in the kitchen: What about the ladies in the kitchen.
MC: Of course, how could I forget, and thanks to the ladies in the kitchen for a really scrumptious lunch.
Bloke with dirty hands: What about the blokes who rolled the green? What about the blokes who raked the ditches. What about.....
two to you Big Fella
Meaning: Big Fella (who may or may not be large in stature or even a fella) has got shot via a bowl that may or may not have involved an element of luck. It's a measure for the second. Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Meaning: your bowl is clearly second although the chances of it remaining so are slim Themes: praise,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: A few metres. you count.
you're jack high
Meaning: good weight, bad line Themes: criticism,praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third:you're jack high [sotto voce] but nowhere near it fuckwit.
got the job done
Meaning: a satisfactory result, perfunctorily achieved Themes: pride Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You made the finals then?
Player B: Had to beat the bottom side on their shitheap. Blowin' a gale, no moran 10 seconds, 5 each way, up by 7. We got the job done.
in the money
Meaning: somebody won some prize money Themes: pride Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: Careful. Don't rip it. Player A: Don't be a dick. It cost us 30 to play and we got 15 back. Tommy: Doesn't matter. We're in the money and that envelope's going straight to the pool room.
a real shit sandwich
Meaning: a generous portion of faeces spread liberally on 2 pieces of bread. The bread may optionally be buttered. Note: this is a methaphor and is not meant literally. The metaphorical meaning is that of something particularly unpalatable which is what a sandwich with a faeces filling would be, unless you're a dog. Themes: realism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Selector: We've moved Whisper to help out Frog's rink.
Skip A: Right.
Selector: And Showbag's out, he's crook.
Skip: That's no good.
Selector: You've still got Sniffy playing third.
Skip: As he should be.
Selector: We've given ya Legless and Hoppy. Your whole rink's been moved to the ones and you're playing the top side on their 20 second green.
Skip: Well that's a real shit sandwich.
Selector: And it'll be windy.
have the poundage
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too small Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the poundage.
have the revolutions
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too big Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the revolutions.
keep chugging
Meaning: to chug is to deliver a bowl that will agonisingly fall just short of the desired length. The exhortation to keep chugging is to suggest, with a hint of resignation, that your latest bowl will again pull up just short. Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip to third: Come on, come on, keep chugging. Bugger.
there's no-one else
Meaning: we players in the top side are bonded together, as one, united in our desire to remain so, as protected species, an untouchable breed above all others Themes: certainty,realism Contributor: Neil
Usage
Selector: Another fucking loss. Still on the fucking bottom. There'll be some allfuckingmighty changes this week.
Senior skip: Agreed. I suggest Fumbles and Catchup swap and Gumbo skips in place of Orca. Bit down on confidence old Orca.
Selector: Are you deaf and blind as well as fucking useless and stupid? You're on the fucking bottom for fuck sake. Another loss and this club's fucked. And you're fucked along with rest of your fucking useless mates in the top fucking side.
Senior skip: Ya not thinking of bringing someone up from the seconds, are ya? Mate don't be stupid, we're it. there's no-one else. I wish it was different but there's no-one else.
you count
Meaning: your bowl is clearly second although the chances of it remaining so are slim Themes: praise,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: A few metres. you count.
hindsight is a wonderful thing
Meaning: a truism Themes: regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Looking back, if I knew the fucking jack was gonna come forward I never woulda hit the bastard. Third: Yep. hindsight is a wonderful thing. Skip: The one fucking end we didn't have a shitload of front bowls.
I shoulda warned ya
Meaning: a statement of regret Themes: despair,regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Who'd've thought an old prick like that could drive? Third: I seen him before. I shoulda warned ya.
hang about
Meaning: too heavy again Themes: resignation,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:hang about, hang about. Nuh. A good yard.
have the poundage
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too small Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the poundage.
have the revolutions
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too big Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the revolutions.
keep chugging
Meaning: to chug is to deliver a bowl that will agonisingly fall just short of the desired length. The exhortation to keep chugging is to suggest, with a hint of resignation, that your latest bowl will again pull up just short. Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip to third: Come on, come on, keep chugging. Bugger.
the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number
Meaning: No man is an island, entire of itself; ditto for bowling clubs. Themes: resignation Contributor: Neil
Usage
Newish bowler: We've hardly won a game. 4 of the 5 selectors have resigned. The only one who didn't is the only one who should've. The ladies in the kitchen are striking unless we buy new doilies. The president won't turn up until he gets the parking spot near the gate. The pisspots in the third side won't drink here any more 'cos we put the prices up 50c. Mate, this club's fucked. I'm finding another one.
Oldish bowler: LOL. Sonny, I've been around the block a few times. the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number.
they're always on a good line
Meaning: a reference to the inital line of a bowled played with wrong bias Themes: resignation,inevitability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: That's come out all right Player B: It's wrong bias Player A: Shit, it was on a good line Player B:they're always on a good line
that's me done
Meaning: my understanding of my job as lead is to put one on and one behind, consistently so for end after end, and then let you clowns take all the glory Themes: pragmaticism,satisfaction Contributor: JB
Usage
Lead: Last bowl, last end. that's me done. We win. See you next week.
you chase that shit?
Meaning: an expression of disdain Themes: shock,derision Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: Go, go, go. It's a goodie. Pant, pant, pant. Yes, yes, no. Opponent: Fuck me. you chase that shit?.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
rake the fucking head
Meaning: an effective way of playing bowls Themes: inevitability,outrage,skill Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Player A: Didja win? Player B: No but we played good. Player A: How'dja lose then? Player B: All those other pricks could do was rake the fucking head all fucking day.
big board!
Meaning: our rink is trailing badly, indeed, as is the rink of Ernest; however, as pennant bowls is fundamentally a team game, the relative success of both Charles and Francis means we are not entirely bereft of hope in achieving a remarkable victory.  Ernest and I should therefore resolve to abandon forthwith our usual game plans of playing unlikely hero shots at every opportunity and instead concentrate on limiting our already substantial losses. We must all remember that the most important thing to consider is the total across all rinks. In doing so we aspire to beat these fuckers. Themes: optimism,mateship,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A:big board! Player B:big board! Player C: Come on we're in this. big board!
catchers over here
Meaning: our bowls on this end are nowhere near the jack. We require you as skip to move the jack nearer to our bowls using whatever means are available to you. Themes: optimism,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Anything on? Third: Got catchers over here.
it's a team game
Meaning: the nature of any game of bowls other than singles Themes: teamwork,mateship Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: First time today I've had 2 good ones and you had to fuck them off.
Third: The skip told me to. They were vulnerable. it's a team game.
bowls not balls
Meaning: how one should respond to another who called bowls balls Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Non-bowling spouse: Would you like a new set of balls for Christmas?
Bowling spouse:bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Well they look like balls.
Bowling spouse: Bowls are biased, balls aren't. I don't play balls, I play bowls. They're bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Do want a new set? Yes or no?
Bowling spouse: No, I'm happy with the ones I've got.
that's a N shot turnaround
Meaning: the change in the progressive end score after a player has delivered a bowl compared to what it was before delivering the bowl. Generally you want the number N to be zero at worst but hopefully positive, and definitely not negative. Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a stupid idea. Just be happy with 1.
Skip: Such conservative thinking shows why you'll never make a skip. Stupid idea my arse. This just needs a gentle yard on for an easy 3.
Third: Righto, you're the boss.
Skip: Bugger it. Not quite gentle enough.
Third: Well done! that's a N shot turnaround (N being 5) but not in a good way.
be the bowl
Meaning: something to do with fish Themes: unknowable Contributor: awarenessintegrations.com/be-the-bowl/
Usage
Skip: You have fish in the bowl. You have water. Then you have the bowl surrounding it all. be the bowl. Picture this in your head, but do so with awareness or the ego is going to take over. We identify with nothing in our lives but the fish. The fish are the thoughts in our brain, going in circles, and running all around us. If we step back and observe this, we become the water. If we understand there is such a thing as having fish, having water, and observing that with no reaction - we become the bowl. We are the bowl, we have always been the bowl, but we think we are the content of that bowl. be the bowl. Second: Gotcha. Another draw on the backhand then.
happy days
Meaning: you have unexpectedly delivered a bowl that came to rest within the boundaries of the rink Themes: unnecessaryness Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Well, well, whaddya know. happy days are here again.
follarim down
Meaning: a good way to play when the player has no idea Themes: wisdom Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: No good playing that side again, that side's fucked. Tell you what, follarim down.
one end at a time
Meaning: we have the lead, there are 5 ends to go. After this end there will be 4 ends to go, then 3 ends to go and so on down to 0. When we get to 0 the game is over. Themes: palpability,wisdom Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip:one end at a time Third: Yeah. one end at a time. Second: Fuck yeah. one end at a time. Lead: Too fucking right. one end at a time.
good correction
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: wit Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Nice one. good correction.
little rings on the inside
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: condescension,wit Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Bloodywell concentrate. little rings on the inside.
what rotten bad luck
Meaning: your execution of an easy shot was appalling. An example of sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Themes: irony,wit Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third: That's on track. Here it comes. Here it comes. Nah. Into the fucking wall again. what rotten bad luck
Contributor
I frisbeed it
Meaning: how I chucked a mat really far Themes: honesty Contributor: Alby
Usage
Umpire: Last warning for mat chucking.
Player A: I never chucked it, I frisbeed it.
a funny old game
Meaning: a statement of fact about bowls Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: I've sprayed it a bit. Still a chance though. Double wick!
Skip B: Now I've fuckingwell seen everyfuckingthing. 5 fucking up to 3 fucking down. Fuck me. I'm wasting my fucking time playing this fucking shit of a game. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Skip A: Yes you're absolutely 100% correct. It sure is a funny old game sometimes.
a shit head
Meaning: either a reference to poorly grouped bowls or the cranial features of the opposition skip. Sometimes employed ambiguously. Themes: candour,judgement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a shit head Skip: And the bowls aren't any better.
all day
Meaning: a recognition that said player has played exceptionally well Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:all day Snags
Opposition Skip: That prick's played well.
Skip: Yep we'd be stuffed without Snags.
(Note: not to be confused with all fucking day!)
all fucking day!
Meaning: although the referenced player (and team) has played much better than us, his second slightly luckyish shot for the day has killed any hope of us winning Themes: exasperation Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their Third: Got a nice edge off that wide bowl. Good one Skip.
Our Skip: Fuck me! Another fucking one! all fucking day! (Note: not to be confused with all day.)
around-the-clocker
Meaning: a bowler who, by preference or deficiency of technique, bowls on the same hand, end after end, day after day, week after week, year after year, until death with his bowls doth part Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: What's that dickhead doing? There's a shitload of room on the forehand/backhand.
Player B: That's Player C for ya, a real around-the-clocker. I seen him play backhand/forehand once for a bet. Shithouse bowl but he won the bet. He'll never do much good but he's happy being an around-the-clocker.
be a good bowler one day
Meaning: becoming good at bowls doesn't happen overnight, or necessarily ever Themes: patience,optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip A: That lead of yours been bowling for long? Skip B: Started a few seasons ago. be a good bowler one day. Skip A: Not just yet though. Skip B: Shit no. Get a decent bowl out of him every half hour if I'm lucky. But he'll get there. Takes time. He'll be a good bowler one day.
bowls not balls
Meaning: how one should respond to another who called bowls balls Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Non-bowling spouse: Would you like a new set of balls for Christmas?
Bowling spouse:bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Well they look like balls.
Bowling spouse: Bowls are biased, balls aren't. I don't play balls, I play bowls. They're bowls not balls.
Non-bowling spouse: Do want a new set? Yes or no?
Bowling spouse: No, I'm happy with the ones I've got.
can you use an arm in bocce?
Meaning: a reasonable enquiry Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: That bloke been using an arm long?
Our skip: About a year or so.
Their skip: Hasn't quite worked out the release yet.
Our skip: Nah not yet. He's a lobber. Seems to lob every second one. can you use an arm in bocce?
corker
Meaning: a satisfactorily delivered bowl. In the hierarchy of such bowls it is third behind bomb! then pearler. The hierarchy may be temporarily changed by preceding the bowl description adjectivally with "bloody" or "fucking"; bloody elevates it by one position, fucking by two. Thus a bloody corker is superior to a pearler but not as good as a bomb!, whereas a fucking corker is better than both a bomb! and a pearler. Mixing adjectives in the one discourse is not recommended and likely to result in confusion. Outbursts such as "it's a bomb!, a bloody corker, a bloody fucking pearler" should be avoided unless you and others are drinking at the time. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Meaning: doing so is considered rather poor form old chap, especially by those whose shit doesn't stink Themes: passivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Shit that was a lucky one.
Lead and second: Yoohoo, way to go skip, you're the best, stick it up 'em.
Opposition third:don't clap wicks.
Our third: Don't be a cockhead.
follarim down
Meaning: a good way to play when the player has no idea Themes: wisdom Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: No good playing that side again, that side's fucked. Tell you what, follarim down.
for the good of the club
Meaning: the reason most frequently given for being dropped to a lower side Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Selector: We've put you skipping in the fourths so these new blokes get some idea what to do. It's for the good of the club.
getcha bowls up
Meaning: I am a good average player, I am not a magician. Continuing to litter the green with short shit means that, firstly, I find it difficult to negotiate a path to the jack and, secondly, my very infrequent perfect trail shot will only result in, at best, 1 to us, not the multiples we require FOR ANY FUCKING CHANCE OF WINNING THIS FUCKING GAME. No I am not angry, just a little disappointed. Themes: disappointment,optimism,hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Right, enough's enough. getcha bowls up.
(An interesting aside is that the name Bowlsup originated from this phrase.)
give it a chance
Meaning: an imploration to at least reach the head Themes: encouragement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Righto. In there. give it a chance.
Player A: (grunting noise due to slow green) Can't chuck it any harder than that.
Skip: In the ditch. Bad luck. Al least you give it a chance.
good changeup
Meaning: your first bowl was on your forehand/backhand, it was ok. Your second bowl was on your backhand/forehand, a change requiring body and bowl relocation of the highest order - it too was OK. Congratulations on your mastery of this feat. Themes: praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Backhand this time. Well done. good changeup.
good correction
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: wit Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Nice one. good correction.
got the job done
Meaning: a satisfactory result, perfunctorily achieved Themes: pride Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You made the finals then?
Player B: Had to beat the bottom side on their shitheap. Blowin' a gale, no moran 10 seconds, 5 each way, up by 7. We got the job done.
he was a real good bowler in his day
Meaning: time catches up with everyone, not necessarily at the same rate Themes: compassion Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Had a good battle with old Clarrie. Player B:he was a real good bowler in his day. Player A: I thought I matched him. Player B: Pig's arse you did. Player A: What is he now? Close to 80? Player B: Not all that close. 94. Player A: He still goes alright then. Player B: Yeah he was a real good bowler in his day.
I musta mista end
Meaning: the result of a score check Themes: curiosity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: 20/15, 3 to go?
Opposition second: I've got 18 all last end.
Lead, opposition lead, third, opposition third: They said last end was up and back.
Second:I musta mista end
I've had a gutful
Meaning: I am a patient person but my limit has been reached; I can take no more Themes: exasparation,despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Coach: This mob we just lost to. Average age 85. Notice anything? No? They all had a lifter. Prepa-blooody-rations. No bending down for these old bastards. I've had a gutful. Ranga, where were you Thursdee training?
Ranga: Hospital. She dropped another one.
Coach: Dribbledick?
Dribbledick: Daisy. Breech birth. Almost lost me non-dominant arm.
Coach: Spanner?
Spanner: Me best bitch was whelping. Got 4 good littlies.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth?
Wobbly: Tractor shit itself.
Coach: Anyone got a reason that doesn't involve the miracle of birth or tractors?
Professor: I find the shambolic nature of our training sessions to be ineffective pedagogically insofar as it is not conducive to .........
Coach: That's the guts of the problem right there Professor. Indi-bloody-vidualism. Every bastard doing what they wanna do. Well I've had a gutful. An absolute bloody gutful. New rule. Don't turn up Thursdee, ya don't play Satdee. Simple as that 'cos I've had a gutful.
it's a team game
Meaning: the nature of any game of bowls other than singles Themes: teamwork,mateship Contributor: Anon
Usage
Second: First time today I've had 2 good ones and you had to fuck them off.
Third: The skip told me to. They were vulnerable. it's a team game.
just don't fuck it up
Meaning: a plaintive request that a risky shot be played competently Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: I can see 1 of 'em. I reckon they'll both go. Skip: Sure? Third: Like shellin' peas. Skip: We've only got 1 in the head. just don't fuck it up. Third: Got 1. Darn, that was unlucky. Skip: You fucked it up.
luck's a fortune
Meaning: an old saying but true Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Their skip: Shit. Given it away.
Our skip: What was bad luck for you, is good luck for me. The old saying about luck's a fortune could not be truer as is the one about swings and roundabouts.
Their skip: Except that it's all fucking swings and no fucking roundabouts.
mine's a toucher
Meaning: it is beyond dispute that my bowl hit the jack Themes: certainty,justice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Mark my bowl. mine's a toucher. Player B: It can't be a toucher. There was another bowl in front of the jack. It couldn't've hit it. Player A: Not directly no. I got a wick and came off that bastard! over there. I'm tellin' ya. Sure as fuckin' eggs mine's a toucher.
not coming back from there
Meaning: whether or not a bowl delivered wide will make it back to inside the boundary peg. No it won't. Themes: certainty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Geez that's a bit wide. Shit, the wind's got it.
Skip: The bastard's not coming back from there.
nothing's changed
Meaning: the status quo remains Themes: honesty Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Well?
Third:nothing's changed. Still got 1. [sotto voce] Their skip's just as useless as ours.
run out of puff
Meaning: 1. what a bowl does when it finishes short 2. what a team does when it loses after having a big lead Themes: empathy Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You lost then? Player B: Too fat, too old, too many ends. We run out of puff.
same bowl
Meaning: please try to replicate your previous satisfactory delivery Themes: hope Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same bowl.
same fucking bowl
Meaning: your last bowl was shit, this bowl is also shit Themes: despair Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip:same fucking bowl.
short shit
Meaning: bowl/s that lacked requisite oomph when delivered Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: Fuck me, short shit everyfuckingwhere.
that's a N shot turnaround
Meaning: the change in the progressive end score after a player has delivered a bowl compared to what it was before delivering the bowl. Generally you want the number N to be zero at worst but hopefully positive, and definitely not negative. Themes: terminology Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: That's a stupid idea. Just be happy with 1.
Skip: Such conservative thinking shows why you'll never make a skip. Stupid idea my arse. This just needs a gentle yard on for an easy 3.
Third: Righto, you're the boss.
Skip: Bugger it. Not quite gentle enough.
Third: Well done! that's a N shot turnaround (N being 5) but not in a good way.
the dance floor
Meaning: the area of the green somewhere near the jack, also the part of a shearing shed where the sheep get shorn Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: So we need this one to win?
Third: Yep. You can do it. Plenty of room on the dance floor.
the green hasn't been rolled
Meaning: I put down a perfect bowl and it didn't turn Themes: outrage Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Look at that. Did you see that? the green hasn't been rolled. Player B: Magoo rolled it. Twice both ways. Player A: Magoo. That explains it.
the ladies in the kitchen
Meaning: a band of volounteers who must never ever be forgotten Themes: praise,arse-covering Contributor: Anon
Usage
MC: And, finally, everyone have a safe trip home and thanks for playing.
A lady in the kitchen: What about the ladies in the kitchen.
MC: Of course, how could I forget, and thanks to the ladies in the kitchen for a really scrumptious lunch.
Bloke with dirty hands: What about the blokes who rolled the green? What about the blokes who raked the ditches. What about.....
too good a roll up
Meaning: a reason for losing Themes: inevitability Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Win?
Player B: Nuh?
Player A: How? I seen your roll up.
Player B: Exactly. Used 'em up early. too good a roll up.
top skip
Meaning: a skip to whom one has lost a game Themes: envy,irony Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: How'd ya go Satdee? Player B: Lost. They had a top skip. A really top skip. Player A: This top skip. Good was he? Player B: Real good. Should be playing division 1 somewhere.
we having a break?
Meaning: an enquiry as to whether bowling activities are to be suspended for a time during which light refreshments may be consumed and last year's speech by the president recycled; also an opportunity to temporarily stop getting a hiding Themes: optimism Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: Another fucking 4. we having a break?
we'd'a been better off playing one short
Meaning: a player in our rink performed poorly Themes: candour Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: That new bloke go OK? Player B: Tried hard but we'd'a been better off playing one short.
welcome back
Meaning: our best player will only ever play second. We rely on him to have any chance. Unusually for him, his bowls on the last end didn't finish in the count. No idea why he still plays with us. Themes: bitterness Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip: About bloody time. welcome back.
what's the story?
Meaning: a singles player enquires as to the state of the head, his smartarse mate is marking Themes: curiosity,anxiety Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A:what's the story? Marker: It was a dark and stormy....... Player A: Fuck off.
why did he change my hand?
Meaning: an enternal question second only to where did we come from? Themes: bemusement Contributor: Anon
Usage
Skip to other skip: Watch this for a laugh. Bobo's an around-the-clocker. Never plays forehand.
Skip: Bobo I want you to try one on your forehand. They're not turning on that side.
Bobo: I can see it this way.
Skip: Yeah I know but they're not turning out there and we really need a close one.
Bobo: Are you sure?
Skip: Yes Bobo. It's for the best.
Bobo: All right. Shit, side ditch. why did he change my hand?
wick
Meaning: noun - a slight deflection of a bowl in motion off another stationary bowl, usually unintended. Such a deflection can be both favourable and unfavourable (pick 1) depending upon the outcome and player's POVs.
verb - to slightly deflect off another bowl thereby altering the bowl's path. Themes: lore Contributor: Anon
Usage
Cedric: A lovely wick sir.
Charles: (says nothing but acknowledges Cedric's comment with a slight nod in his direction)
Someone not named Charles or Cedric:all fucking day!
you gotta be up
Meaning: a golden rule for skips when down Themes: positivity Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third: A real shit sandwich. 6 down. you gotta be up.
you're duty rink
Meaning: the worst possible news, even worse than losing your favourite rag Themes: shock,outrage,injustice Contributor: Anon
Usage
Player A: You're third in the twos with Maggot, Cyclone and Shagger skipping.
Player B: That's alright. Happy with that.
Player A: Looks like you're duty rink.
Player B: Piss off. I was duty rink 2 weeks ago.
I'm always fucking duty rink.
you're jack high
Meaning: good weight, bad line Themes: criticism,praise Contributor: Anon
Usage
Third:you're jack high [sotto voce] but nowhere near it fuckwit.
a bit narra
Meaning: how to play a particular bowl; a simple instruction, usually not well followed Themes: frustration,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Second: I can't get around the front one. Or under it. Skip: Well play it a bit narra to here. Second: Oops Skip: Fuck me. a bit narra's what I said. a bit narra not outa-fucking-bounds narra.
a real shit sandwich
Meaning: a generous portion of faeces spread liberally on 2 pieces of bread. The bread may optionally be buttered. Note: this is a methaphor and is not meant literally. The metaphorical meaning is that of something particularly unpalatable which is what a sandwich with a faeces filling would be, unless you're a dog. Themes: realism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Selector: We've moved Whisper to help out Frog's rink.
Skip A: Right.
Selector: And Showbag's out, he's crook.
Skip: That's no good.
Selector: You've still got Sniffy playing third.
Skip: As he should be.
Selector: We've given ya Legless and Hoppy. Your whole rink's been moved to the ones and you're playing the top side on their 20 second green.
Skip: Well that's a real shit sandwich.
Selector: And it'll be windy.
am I up?
Meaning: a rhetorical question to which the answer, should a superfluous one be given, is always no Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third: We're 4 down now. You gotta be up. Skip:am I up?am I up? Third: No.
anyone got it?
Meaning: a combination of colour and number (obsolete) Themes: patience Contributor: Cliff
Usage
MC: Here we go again. Red is still the colour. 6 is the new number. anyone got it? No? Another go then.
Raffle Participant: Do the bloody number first.
MC: Not necessary my friend. This way works exactly the same. Red's the colour. 19 is the new number. anyone got it?
big board!
Meaning: our rink is trailing badly, indeed, as is the rink of Ernest; however, as pennant bowls is fundamentally a team game, the relative success of both Charles and Francis means we are not entirely bereft of hope in achieving a remarkable victory.  Ernest and I should therefore resolve to abandon forthwith our usual game plans of playing unlikely hero shots at every opportunity and instead concentrate on limiting our already substantial losses. We must all remember that the most important thing to consider is the total across all rinks. In doing so we aspire to beat these fuckers. Themes: optimism,mateship,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A:big board! Player B:big board! Player C: Come on we're in this. big board!
big bowl
Meaning: an important delivery, a possible match-changer Themes: optimism,hope Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: If I get rid of that one we'll have 4. Third: That'd be a big bowl. You wouldn't wanna get ours though. Skip: Yeah, a real big bowl. Pretty much guarantee a win on the big board! Opposition third: That was a big bowl for us. Has your skip always been a dickhead?
bowl to my foot
Meaning: I want you to play a yard on through the head, however I doubt your ability to play such a shot without considerable assistance. Themes: condescension Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: We need to change things a bit. bowl to my foot.
bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
Meaning: I want a short end with the mat right up but you're too stupid to understand that so I'll have to spell it out. Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: Where do you want it? Skip:bring the mat up to the 2 metre mark. Now take 2 big steps back. No, that's too far. Yeah, that's good. Now put the mat down there, yeah right there, where you're standing, now roll the jack to me
catchers over here
Meaning: our bowls on this end are nowhere near the jack. We require you as skip to move the jack nearer to our bowls using whatever means are available to you. Themes: optimism,teamwork Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Anything on? Third: Got catchers over here.
didn't save us enough
Meaning: did not play a game of a sufficiently high standard required to make up for our deficiencies Themes: blame-shifting,arse-covering Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go today? Player B: I had a good game but we lost. Player A: That's a bugger. Player B: Yeah our skip didn't save us enough.
done nothing all day
Meaning: what another player did until he didn't Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Geez you were stiff.
Player B: Yep. Holding game until the last bowl. Their fucking skip done nothing all day trails the fucking jack for a fucking 5.
Player A:done nothing all day until that last bowl.
Player B: Yep.
gave us nothing all day
Meaning: we lost due to the referenced player's (or players') performance being sub-optimal Themes: dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Useless bloody front end. gave us nothing all day. Third: Yep. Fuckin' nothing.
hindsight is a wonderful thing
Meaning: a truism Themes: regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Looking back, if I knew the fucking jack was gonna come forward I never woulda hit the bastard. Third: Yep. hindsight is a wonderful thing. Skip: The one fucking end we didn't have a shitload of front bowls.
holding game until the last bowl
Meaning: a winning position thwarted Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you go in that one? Player B: Good start. Up for most of it. holding game until the last bowl then wick fuckitty wick. Lost by 1.
I shoulda warned ya
Meaning: a statement of regret Themes: despair,regret Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Who'd've thought an old prick like that could drive? Third: I seen him before. I shoulda warned ya.
I've seen his type before
Meaning: reference to a person of undesirable character Themes: criticism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: How'd you find the other skip?
Player B: Didn't like him. I've seen his type before. He's a number 4.
ignore that bowl
Meaning: run into that bowl Themes: optimism,futility Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Lead: The red bowl's in me way Skip (points at red bowl): Play the same hand, ignore that bowl. That bowl isn't there.
it all turned to shit
Meaning: the last few words of most stories involving bowls Themes: disappointment Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Went alright? Player B: Good to the break. Dunno what happened but it all turned to shit after that.
just give me something
Meaning: a plaintive request for an improved performance Themes: despair Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: What should I try this time me old skipperoo? Skip: I don't care. just give me something I can work with. Any fucking thing will do. just give me something.
little rings on the inside
Meaning: advice to a player whose previous bowl was played on the wrong bias Themes: condescension,wit Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Bloodywell concentrate. little rings on the inside.
off that bastard!
Meaning: this bowl is slightly ill-directed although, with a bit of luck, it might get a useful deflection Themes: hope,glory Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player: Come on. Come on. off that bastard! Yes!
one bowl at a time
Meaning: how one should play the game; a rare example of genuine wisdom Themes: palpability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Righto fellas, 3 ends to go. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We've gotta play 'em one bowl at a time.
one end at a time
Meaning: we have the lead, there are 5 ends to go. After this end there will be 4 ends to go, then 3 ends to go and so on down to 0. When we get to 0 the game is over. Themes: palpability,wisdom Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip:one end at a time Third: Yeah. one end at a time. Second: Fuck yeah. one end at a time. Lead: Too fucking right. one end at a time.
right from the start!
Meaning: let's not all drop multiples on the first end like we usually do Themes: optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Coach in huddle: OK. Let's roll. right from the start! Assembled players:right from the start!. A smartarse (former cub): We'll dob, dob, dob.
short bowls are killing us
Meaning: I am insufficently skilled to play through gaps a metre wide Themes: despair,dissociation Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Magoo, Uncle Fester, Big Fella, listen up. short bowls are killing us. You got it? short bowls are killing us
that is shot
Meaning: a player is rather pleased with his last bowl Themes: egotism,delusion Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A thinks to himself: It's a beauty. Miss that bastard. Through that gap. I've fuckingwell nailed it. Player A points ring finger of right hand skywards: Player A speaks:that is shot. Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is shot. Opponent of player A (umpire for the day): Foot fault!
that side's fucked
Meaning: my inability to get a single bowl close on that side has led me to conclude the surface is sub-standard. My opponent's apparent lack of such difficulty is a statistical outlier and may be ignored. Themes: despair,poise Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: Fuck it. that side's fucked
they're always on a good line
Meaning: a reference to the inital line of a bowled played with wrong bias Themes: resignation,inevitability Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Player A: That's come out all right Player B: It's wrong bias Player A: Shit, it was on a good line Player B:they're always on a good line
two to you Big Fella
Meaning: Big Fella (who may or may not be large in stature or even a fella) has got shot via a bowl that may or may not have involved an element of luck. It's a measure for the second. Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Another pearler. two to you Big Fella
we need one over there
Meaning: please draw me another shot as there is no chance whatsoever of them moving the jack for a 5. Themes: irony,adventure Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: That's a couple. Third: Whaddya want this time? Skip:we need one over there
where's the jack gonna go?
Meaning: I have grave doubts regarding my ability to hit such a large target at the present juncture in such a pressured situation. I would prefer to play some sort of timid draw shot. Themes: apprehension,anxiety Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Skip: Hit 'em. Third:where's the jack gonna go? Skip: Hit 'em first then we'll worry about it.
you can do it
Meaning: the probability of you executing a shot of moderate difficulty is low Themes: irony,optimism Contributor: Cliff
Usage
Third to skip: You've got 4 metres to the ditch for second. you can do it Lead and second: No he can't.
all of 'em
Meaning: the number we are down prior to our skip playing his last bowl. Themes: candour,despair Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: How many down are we? Third:all of 'em.
awesome track
Meaning: a bowl delivered with perfect grass, almost on the line, albeit a few metres short Themes: exasparation Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: 4 down, we need a good one Third: How's that? Skip:awesome track pal. Another 6 on your next Third: And this one? Skip:awesome track again pal [sotto voce] well that fucks up the drive
back end
Meaning: the third and skip in a team Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Lead: Look at the back end they've got. Second: Yep. We're fucked.
free spin
Meaning: the opposition skip has failed to execute a simple draw, it is now the turn of our skip Themes: blame-shifting,fatalism Contributor: Damo
Usage
Third: Righto, free spin. Just don't go too wide. Skip: Shit it's not coming back. Third: Well fuck me. Skip: That was your fault. You put me off when you said not to go too wide.
front end
Meaning: the lead and second in a fours team (or just the lead in a triples team) Themes: lore Contributor: Damo
Usage
Skip: No wonder we lost with the front end we had. Third: Yeah. No fucking wonder.
that's me blocker
Meaning: a short bowl I've just played Themes: optimism,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: That's a shit bowl Donny. Donny: No it's not. that's me blocker
they stacked their side
Meaning: we lost badly Themes: injustice,delusion Contributor: Donny
Usage
Player A: Do any good? Donny B: Nope. they stacked their side. Player A: You're playing division 5. Why would they stack their side? Donny: Dunno. All I know is they stacked their side.
double wick!
Meaning: despite my bowl being delivered with poor grass and weight, I can forsee it deflecting twice to ultimately reach the head at a favourable angle thereby moving the jack to give us a minimum of 3 shots Themes: foresight,optimism Contributor: Ernie
Usage
Skip not in possession mat: Good luck with this one. Skip in possession of mat after delivering bowl which has travelled roughly half way:double wick!.
too good a line not be shot
Meaning: a perfectly played bowl desrves better Themes: amazement Contributor: Frank
Usage
Player A: Shot?
Skip: No.
Player A: Arseholes. That was too good a line not be shot.
hit the bit you can see
Meaning: a request of a reluctant player that he attempt a drive beyond his ability Themes: condescension,exasparation Contributor: GdB
Usage
Skip: Hit that one. Third: I can only see a bit of it Skip: Well hit the bit you can see then.
why you no up?
Meaning: despite the closeness of the contest and previous entreaties to reach the head, a front end player has, unfortunately, delivered a bowl of insufficient initial velocity to be in the mix Themes: incomprehension Contributor: Gus
Usage
Skip: You gotta be up Chully. why you no up?.
Chully: Eh, vaffanculo.
you've got another one
Meaning: your first bowl was shit, there's an outside chance that your second one will be better Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Harry
Usage
Player: Sorry. Skip: Don't worry about it. you've got another one.
shit, the wind's got it
Meaning: I've made quite a significant error with the line I've taken and need an excuse. Pray tell, is there any wind about? Themes: poise Contributor: JB
Usage
Player: That's not a wrong bias it? Oh no, shit, the wind's got it.
that's me done
Meaning: my understanding of my job as lead is to put one on and one behind, consistently so for end after end, and then let you clowns take all the glory Themes: pragmaticism,satisfaction Contributor: JB
Usage
Lead: Last bowl, last end. that's me done. We win. See you next week.
you must noo cross the line
Meaning: it is imperative that you not bowl narrow agin Themes: frustration Contributor: Jock
Usage
Skip: A wee draw tae here. I dinnae ken bin wide. you must noo cross the line.
excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet?
Meaning: Mabel is an elderly lady nearing the end of a long and distinguished career: 4 mixed pairs titles with her late husband Harold; twice runner-up in the ladies minor singles; and 6 most successful and harmonious years as lady vice-president of the ladies committee. Of late she has struggled making the distance, particularly on a slow green. She is also inclined to occasionally drop her bowl, her grip strength not being what it once was. Her first bowl on this end was not the finest of her career, nor day. Edward, the skip, who is of a similar vintage, has vision problems. Here, Edward, who has just returned to the rink after refilling his sports bottle, was enquiring as to the fate of Mabel's bowl. Themes: curiosity Contributor: MM
Usage
Edward: Slurp, slurp. That's better. excuse me Mabel, have you bowled yet? Mabel: What was that Edward?
every bowl counts
Meaning: no bowl is more important than any other; regardless of its bias, creed or colour it has an intrinsic worth as a bowl, a potential counter Themes: optimism Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Player A: Getting close. Big board! We gotta take it one end at a time. Player B: I take your point Player A, however I feel the rapidly closing gap vis a vis the big board! mandates an increased focus at the micro level; in other words, we need to take it one bowl at a time.
Player A: A fair point well made, Player B, we do need to take it one bowl at a time. Might I also suggest now would be an opportune time to stress that every bowl counts?
Player B: Indeed it is such a time Player A. I must concur with your splendid proposition. Every corker counts, every bomb! counts, every pearler counts. every bowl counts.
get outa the road
Meaning: I would like the something or somebody in my way to not be in my way. The something is generally a bowl, the somebody a person. Themes: exasparation Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Second: Oi you, get outa the road. I can't see the bloody pegs.
Second (a little later): Oi you again, get outa the road. I'm trying to do the bloody big board.
Second (even later):get outa the road. Bloody short shit.
miss on the high side
Meaning: FFS don't be narrow Themes: hope,futility Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Low's no good. miss on the high side.
nothing for narrow
Meaning: please do not bowl narrow again as your previous narrow bowls blocked my path to the jack. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Keep it wide if anything. nothing for narrow.
sit and cover
Meaning: we've got shot, they've got a shitload just behind. The ideal bowl is to sit on their bunch while still being in the count. Themes: hope Contributor: Mr Ed
Usage
Skip: Get to these ones. A bit wide is OK. sit and cover. Just don't play their bowl for them. Third: Stay up. Stay up. Don't turn yet you bastard. Skip: Well done. 5 down. There was only 1 way to fuck it up and you found it.
down the hill
Meaning: a pitifully sad way of saying your bowl will pull up short Themes: compassion,empathy Contributor: Neil
Usage
Skip: Come on down the hill. That's it little bowl. Just a bit more. down the hill. Almost there. down the hill. No, it's run out of puff. Bad luck.
I beat my bloke
Meaning: the contributions from each player today was unequal Themes: candour,blame-shifting Contributor: Neil
Usage
Player A: Any good? Player B: Na. Lost. Got 2 points. I beat my bloke.
the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number
Meaning: No man is an island, entire of itself; ditto for bowling clubs. Themes: resignation Contributor: Neil
Usage
Newish bowler: We've hardly won a game. 4 of the 5 selectors have resigned. The only one who didn't is the only one who should've. The ladies in the kitchen are striking unless we buy new doilies. The president won't turn up until he gets the parking spot near the gate. The pisspots in the third side won't drink here any more 'cos we put the prices up 50c. Mate, this club's fucked. I'm finding another one.
Oldish bowler: LOL. Sonny, I've been around the block a few times. the only difference between bowling clubs is the phone number.
there's no-one else
Meaning: we players in the top side are bonded together, as one, united in our desire to remain so, as protected species, an untouchable breed above all others Themes: certainty,realism Contributor: Neil
Usage
Selector: Another fucking loss. Still on the fucking bottom. There'll be some allfuckingmighty changes this week.
Senior skip: Agreed. I suggest Fumbles and Catchup swap and Gumbo skips in place of Orca. Bit down on confidence old Orca.
Selector: Are you deaf and blind as well as fucking useless and stupid? You're on the fucking bottom for fuck sake. Another loss and this club's fucked. And you're fucked along with rest of your fucking useless mates in the top fucking side.
Senior skip: Ya not thinking of bringing someone up from the seconds, are ya? Mate don't be stupid, we're it. there's no-one else. I wish it was different but there's no-one else.
won't die wondering
Meaning: a real never-say-die sort of attitude Themes: indomitability Contributor: Neil
Usage
Their third: Fuck me, here he goes again.
Our third: By golly yes. Our skip has a real Biggles-like never-say-die sort of attitude. Plucky, determined, tenacious, spirited and daring just about sums him up. Not to mention valiant, adventurous, fearless, gritty and undaunted. He won't die wondering, that's for sure.
rake the fucking head
Meaning: an effective way of playing bowls Themes: inevitability,outrage,skill Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Player A: Didja win? Player B: No but we played good. Player A: How'dja lose then? Player B: All those other pricks could do was rake the fucking head all fucking day.
right to the end!
Meaning: forget about our first half; we're now a very slim chance of winning Themes: optimism Contributor: Paddles
Usage
Skip: OK boys. right to the end! We can win this.
what do I need?
Meaning: an enquiry as to the distance one's previous bowl was short of the scoring zone Themes: politeness Contributor: Paddles
Usage
(redacted): Was my last one short?
Skip: Yes (redacted) it was short again.
(redacted):what do I need?.
Skip: A few weeks in the seconds wouldn't hurt.
clear air
Meaning: our bowl is about to run into an opposition bowl; the intention of saying "clear air" is to somehow distort the nature of the space-time continuum so the collision doesn't happen. "Clear road" is also sometimes used synonymously. Both may be abbreviated to just "clear". Themes: optimism,fantasy Contributor: Peter
Usage
Third:clear air Second:clear air Lead:clear air In unison: Shit!
tackle him Magoo
Meaning: Magoo is an opposition player who delivered an earlier short bowl to an awkward position. One of our bowls is on track for a good result but will probably run into Magoo's bowl. This phrase is employed to ensure that this does indeed occur. An aside: anthropomorhism is common in the game of bowls. Players frequently refer to a physical bowl, an inanimate object, as though it is the person who delivered it. Statements such as "get going Shitface" and "in there Shitface" (Shitface being the moniker of a team mate) while being nonsensical to the non-bowler are readily understood by devotees of the game as endearing entreaties offered as encouragement for a successful outcome of Shitface's most recent bowl. Themes: inevitability Contributor: Salty
Usage
Our player: Go on, get around it. Get afuckinground it. Their player:tackle him Magoo Our player: Fuck it.
all good
Meaning: you played a bowl on the correct bias. Themes: candour,compassion,bemusement Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: How was my last one? Skip:all good.
be the club
Meaning: I like your line, not sure about your weight. A golfing analogy. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:be the club. be the club. be the club. Nuh. Wrong club.
bomb!
Meaning: a successful bowl which resulted in us obtaining shot, possibly more than 1 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip:bomb!
don't be low
Meaning: don't be narrow FFS Themes: futility Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:don't be low Third: That's low.
good try
Meaning: a poor attempt Themes: positivity Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Match that one. [sotto voce] Nowhere near it again. [normal voice] good try
got the back wood
Meaning: we have a single bowl at the back, they have several Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Any ideas? Third: Nuh. Hang on a minute. got the back wood
handy there
Meaning: not where I wanted it but at least it's not in the ditch Themes: condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Hmmmmm. handy there
hang about
Meaning: too heavy again Themes: resignation,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip:hang about, hang about. Nuh. A good yard.
happy days
Meaning: you have unexpectedly delivered a bowl that came to rest within the boundaries of the rink Themes: unnecessaryness Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Well, well, whaddya know. happy days are here again.
have the poundage
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too small Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the poundage.
have the revolutions
Meaning: your bowl has a good line but may pull up short as the bowl you are using is too big Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Come on have the revolutions.
in the mix
Meaning: not your worst bowl of the day Themes: condescension,praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: That's OK. You're in the mix.
jack in the pond
Meaning: despite your many previous failed attempts at hitting the jack, we once again beseech thee to play a difficult shot with requisite skill. We are not hopeful. Themes: optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third to skip: It's in the open now. jack in the pond
join in whenever you're ready
Meaning: you have consistently failed in your attempts to draw within 2 metres. Furthermore, you appear uninterested in proceedings. Please improve in both facets. Themes: disappointment Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Oi Magoo, get off your fat arse and join in whenever you're ready.
just out
Meaning: you haven't got shot Themes: praise,optimism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Good bowl, just out.
keep chugging
Meaning: to chug is to deliver a bowl that will agonisingly fall just short of the desired length. The exhortation to keep chugging is to suggest, with a hint of resignation, that your latest bowl will again pull up just short. Themes: resignation,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip to third: Come on, come on, keep chugging. Bugger.
keep that grass
Meaning: good line, bad weight Themes: despair Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third:keep that grass [sotto voce] cockbrain.
pearler
Meaning: a good bowl, not quite as good as a bomb! but superior to a corker Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Another pearler. Might be.
sensational
Meaning: we've got shot, we're perhaps holding 2 Themes: praise Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: What a bowler. sensational.
the best here
Meaning: there was nothing to beat and you beat it Themes: praise,condescension Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: Chug. Chug. Chug a bit more. Yep. That's the best here
what rotten bad luck
Meaning: your execution of an easy shot was appalling. An example of sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Themes: irony,wit Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Third: That's on track. Here it comes. Here it comes. Nah. Into the fucking wall again. what rotten bad luck
you chase that shit?
Meaning: an expression of disdain Themes: shock,derision Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Player: Go, go, go. It's a goodie. Pant, pant, pant. Yes, yes, no. Opponent: Fuck me. you chase that shit?.
you count
Meaning: your bowl is clearly second although the chances of it remaining so are slim Themes: praise,realism Contributor: Team Rod
Usage
Skip: A few metres. you count.
whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?
Meaning: an unnecessary question Themes: curiosity Contributor: Tezza
Usage
Third: Alternatively, if you play a bit over on your backhand you might get the jack back to our catchers over here for 3.
Skip: Yes but I could try a swinger around the front one. Then again, covering those ones might be the go. Or a blocker.
Other skip: 30 fucking minute rule! It'll be fucking dark soon.
Skip: Language! [starts walking back to mat end]
Skip stops halfway for another look: Yes I think so. That's what I'll do.
Skip on mat with bowl in hand:whose bowl is that at 3 o'clock?.
brother
Meaning: anyone playing bowls with Tommy Themes: mateship Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: This is good brother Lead: A pearler brother Tommy: Yo' brother Third: bomb! brother Tommy: Yeah nah brother I knew it was good.
in the money
Meaning: somebody won some prize money Themes: pride Contributor: Tommy
Usage
Tommy: Careful. Don't rip it. Player A: Don't be a dick. It cost us 30 to play and we got 15 back. Tommy: Doesn't matter. We're in the money and that envelope's going straight to the pool room.
be the bowl
Meaning: something to do with fish Themes: unknowable Contributor: awarenessintegrations.com/be-the-bowl/
Usage
Skip: You have fish in the bowl. You have water. Then you have the bowl surrounding it all. be the bowl. Picture this in your head, but do so with awareness or the ego is going to take over. We identify with nothing in our lives but the fish. The fish are the thoughts in our brain, going in circles, and running all around us. If we step back and observe this, we become the water. If we understand there is such a thing as having fish, having water, and observing that with no reaction - we become the bowl. We are the bowl, we have always been the bowl, but we think we are the content of that bowl. be the bowl. Second: Gotcha. Another draw on the backhand then.
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